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Re: Morphine for depression. Lorraine

Posted by shelliR on November 28, 2001, at 0:02:48

In reply to Re: Morphine for depression. shelliR, posted by Lorraine on November 25, 2001, at 19:31:49

> > > He's retesting me today with a QEEG to see if he can detect why I am having these sublevel panic attacks and to see if he can figure out why my meds aren't working.

Is this paragraph below about the retest the same day, or is this from your last test?
> My redone QEEG confirms pretty much his earlier assessment--that amphetamine and mood stabilizer are the ticket, but that Adderall is not doing the job. So he switched me to ritalin (I've tried dexidrine before). My initial reaction was increased anxiety, but I cut the dose down to 1/4 of a 10 mg tab 4x a day and that helps. I suspect we are going to try Ritalin SR next. He says the amplitude (or voltage) of alpha waves is low--to him this suggests amphetamines. We did a hyperventilating QEEG also, which showed that when I hyperventilate my voltage goes even lower (it should go higher), which he said indicates that under stress I have no power (voltage) to cope--which certainly is true. It is also true that I feel as though I am always trying to manage my power or energy level.

I don't know the difference between concerta and ritalin SR. Both are long-lasting ritalin.

> Meanwhile, my alternative medicine doctor tested my amino acid levels and found low levels of several that are implicated with depression (methionine, phenylalinine, tryptophan, tyrosine, and glutamine) so a custom blend of amino acids reflecting my test results is being made. I will try these for 2 months to see if there is any improvement. I have tried a number of these individually, but she believes it is the combination that is important.
> >
How does your pdoc feel about changing things from your alternative doctor; he doesn't worry that a change of enzymes might affect his tests and sort of muddy the field?

> > >It seems to be that some of your meds were working, but they have too many side effects. Nardil was workng very well; it was the side effects.
> You are right. I am making up a chart showing meds tried and whether they were abandoned because I had only a partial response to them or because of side effects.
> depression yet. I maintained well on Adderall and Neurontin during my Parnate washout as well.
> > > Are there any mood stablizers that you haven't tried yet?
> Yes, I haven't tried Lithium, Tegretol or Topamax.

I did a long trial of Topomax, because at the time I was working with a pdoc who believed in long trials. I pretty much sleep six weeks of my life away, some of it in the hospital. They kept making me get up to go to these stupid groups and I just couldn't stay up. I had to take a 2 hour nap before gropup therapy to get through it.It reminded me of when I used to work in a psychiatric hospital when I first go out of college. It was a heavy duty unit (called intensive care) and they'd give some of these patients enormous amounts of anti-psychotics, then yell at them because they were not paricipating in the group. i gave them credit for even making it to the groups.
> >
> > > > Let me know your next strategy. Either the adderall and neurotin are keeping you afloat, or you are the most patient person I know. Maybe both
> I don't know, Shelli, you seem pretty patient to me:-)

Well, sort of what choice do we have? Although I was quite ready to try opiates before anyone gave it to me because my depression was so painful, sometimes unbearable. It's always hard for me to explain why it is unbearable . And I don't even know what's exactly happening. Like where the hurt eminated from, except from my chest.

> > > Well yes, your depression does not sound as painful as many others have been, at least when you are stable on neurotin and adderall. The same person who would never ever to anything to hurt her children can get stuck in suicidal thinking. And sometime the thinking can get so distorted that she begins to believe that her children would be better off without her.
> Well, I've certainly thought this before, but I've never acted on it. And, I don't seem to ruminate about it generally. I get the sense some people ruminate about it alot and that some people feel compelled to act on the thought--like maybe these things are different parts of the problem. I think that I think about suicide like someone with MS or some other chronic illness might think about it (this can't be solved, it's no use, i'm just a burden on everyone, they'd be better off without me) and it's worse when I am down. I just know that for some people this is a much tougher problem that can't be thought out of or that feels like it can't be waited out.

Before the codeine, I was in the worst place really stuck. Actually, it was when I was already on the oxy and bit stopped working and I didn't think my pdoc would raise it again. I was in horrible pain and I knew I absolutely couldn't kill myself because it would totally mess up the rest of their lives. I can't believe I actually called them and asked them if I could kill myself. It was probably the stupidest thing I ever did because of course I knew what they would say and I also made them feel so bad. And so I couldn't live and I couldn't die. I felt that at least if I went into the hospital no one could be mad at me for not finishing their work. But I really didn't want to go. Then my pdoc increased my dose and things were okay again.
That's why my pdocs threats are so scary to me; I can't control when I reach the end of the helpfulness of a dose.

> >
> > Sometimes the hospital can just provide an atmosphere where you can be absolutely you for a while, slumped in that chair. I think at times to really act like you feel, releases some of your energy back to you. I used to feel that with my business. If I was here I had to be totally "on" all the time, to go into the hospital gave me a break from responsibility and excuses.
> I can really see the appeal to this, Shelli. Family expectations of performance go up when my mood stabilizes and then when my mood falls apart, don't adjust back down, which makes it hard.

Can your family always tell when you're depressed? Is there that big a difference in your behavior toawrd everyone?
> >
> > Anyway, I am excited that the methodone seems positive (although not perfect) and I find myself looking forward to things that may be around the corner. It would be interesting after all of this searching we both ended up with methodone as the pain mood stabilizer after all these other trials.

Now I am less excited. I want to go back on oxy I think, and I just never know when I'll reach the end of effectiveness. But thers's really no point in not living in the now. I can't control what happens with my body chemistry.
> It would be pretty funny if all roads did lead to Rome for both of our depressions. I'm glad that you have something that is working for you, that your transition wasn't that bad and that the price is right.




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