Posted by susan47 on December 22, 2007, at 21:50:02
In reply to Re: Hey, Toph. Hellloooo out there. » susan47, posted by Toph on December 22, 2007, at 16:11:00
I went to a Christmas Party a couple of weeks ago thinking I would have a sad, shy, dreadful time, and surprise I didn't, although they are never my favourite thing. I end up usually having fun, especially if I, in my shallowness, know I look Good. That is important, and one of the reasons I get down, when I stop understanding how to sparkle and shine, sparkle and shine, and look nice. I forgot that but I'm getting it back again, my ex-T gave it back to me then took it away, not knowing and not understanding the import of the relationship I had with him in therapy, he was full of fear and insecurity and pomposity, he was very Stuck. Completely not understanding or seeing or feeling, not able to handle that which needed to be handled with compassion and understanding, and honesty. Terrible, just really awful, and now all I can think is, thank god I am okay again. Please let it stay that way. And I pray to god he has grown into a better therapist, a better person, and out of his anger and misunderstanding and impatience. And I can forgive both of us, even though he may never feel the need to be forgiven. I'll give it to him anyway. It isn't his fault if he is blind, he wouldn't deliberately hurt anyone. I have to heal, I have to heal. I choose it, and wellbeing for everyone.
So now, have fun Toph, and thank you so so very very very much for being one of the very few people on Babble who really cared and understood me, or at least had the patience to stick with me. I'll likely never meet you IRL but it was really Special to have you here as a friend. I hope we can continue to support each other, I hope we can give each other new ways of looking at life.
PS I am very ignorant but unless you are George, I don't know who Gracie is, love.
Mwah,
Susan
> Boy, am I glad you didn't decide to bite the big one. As you know I'm a selfish dude, and even though your kids and everyone else (a considerable number) would be really upset, then I would have no one here I can really talk to as openly as I can with you. It's really nice to hear you talking positive. I was getting kind of bummed with you bashing yourself so much. And I can think of no one on earth I would rather roll up a fatty and stare at the Christmas lights with than you. Imagine the stuff we would talk about and wonder what the hell we were thinking the next day. I have to go to a lame Christmas party tonight and when I'm bored to tears I'm going to think of you and a smile will appear on my face. Have a Merry Christmas, Susan. I wish Gracie were here to wish you the same. Toph
poster:susan47
thread:801126
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20070425/msgs/802158.html