Posted by susan47 on August 7, 2006, at 11:42:50
In reply to Re: Okay. All right. Thanks for the hugs., posted by Estella on August 7, 2006, at 2:05:47
> i'm sorry susan.
> i'm falling apart... i didn't realise i was, but i have been for a while now. i feel... like i'm cracking up. losing it again.
> :-(I know, Estella, I do.
> i've been trying to work. trying... trying... keep coming up against major resistence. reading... reading... then worrying i don't understand. rereading... rereading... writing... writing is harder. so hard. i haven't been able to write very much since arriving. i've been trying... i start writing. i give it to my supervisor and...
> :-(What, if anything, exactly, does your supervisor know about your medical history? This man doesn't sound appropriate as a mentor. Is he a mentor? Is that the idea? I don't like him.
around 3,000 words. that isn't so bad.No. How many pages does that work out to? i have been f*cking reading. i have. and i've been thinking about it too. but it isn't on paper.
I know. It's like, the pen or the keyboard go, ewww no anything you write with ME is going to look STUPID .. AND IT ISN'T TRUE!!!!!
Give it to Yourself to read. Read it yourself. To hell with the supervisor. What do YOU think about it? Does it make sense? DOes the story you're putting together in your head, about what you're reading, come out so other people can understand it?Rules. So many f*cking Rules. Forget the rules. Go with your head, what do you feel about what you're reading? Maybe you need to start there, to write to yourself about your feelings on this before you can flow into the dynamics of the academic.
You belong where you are as much as anybody. Others feel the same way you do Estella, but they don't express it. They look past it, they get validated by their friends. Some are lucky enough to have both friends And Family. We don't. We don't. But we're as smart as they are, we're as beautiful as they are, we're as everything as anybody else is.
Estella. Go do what you have to do right now, but someday, come back to this post, and take the name of this book and Read, even if it's just the first chapter, The Birth of the Female Brain. The book is "The Female Brain" by Louann Brizendine, M.D. "The Female Brain" Listen. There's a reason you feel this way about yourself. I know because I am the same. We have experiences from waaaay back when we were Infants .. our brains needed what we did not get, from our fathers certainly, and also from our mothers. It isn't our fault and it isn't really theirs, it's the way they are. There's nothing we can do about the way they are. But we have to understand, that as much as our brain is our friend, as it IS us, it is also an adversary that has to be conquered and the only way we can start is by understanding some facts. It's true. It's true Estella.
Go and get that pen now. Put it in your hand and take your paper and go sit, and think about what you've read. (((((Estella)))))
poster:susan47
thread:673550
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20060722/msgs/674521.html