Posted by Estella on August 6, 2006, at 3:48:36
In reply to Re:, posted by susan47 on August 5, 2006, at 11:52:21
> The screaming, that could be something meds could take care of, I don't know, do you know?
Been round and round with a variety of meds. Nothing really helps... I don't think... Even the chlorprom didn't help. Just made me... Care less. Feel less distress. Feel numb. As under a green sea I saw him... Drown. That is how I felt.
> Something needs to be released, Estella.
Yeah. Pain. That is how it feels. Apparantly the notion of emotional pain is... Metaphoric. I didn't know that. My emotions can be... Literally painful, literally painful. I don't think that is normal. People say emotions can cause pain when you tense up and give yourself a headache (for example). But emotions aren't pains (something can't cause itself). But I don't know. Not convinced. Sometimes my emotions are painful in themselves. I swear.
I remember my first admission... My very first admission. Nice lady asked if I was ok. I said it hurt. She said 'where does it hurt?' What a strange question... What a strange question... Where does phenomenal red reside? In the mind? Where the hell is that? Where is an emotion? Where was the pain? I didn't know what to say. Inside. I hurt. I hurt. Me. She looked at me strangely. Is this really hard to understand?
> There was no one to talk to anymore, you cannot burden friends with this, and quite frankly, friends feel like a burden when things are like this. When things are like this, there are no friends.
Yes, I understand. And... Councellors. In theory. In theory. But if the theory is right then... Why doesn't my councellor want to hear any of this? Distaste... That is what I detect... Distaste. Maybe she thinks no good will come of it. Maybe she is right. Maybe I am putting thoughts in my head. One of my careworkers used to say that 'you are putting thoughts in my head alexandra_k stoppit' and she would do the Rikki Lake hand thing. She meant I was attributing my thoughts my fears to her. I need to talk to my t and figure out where we are at. What she envisages (I'm scared she is envisaging reduced sessions and termination). I'm pretty sure that is it. I don't like that :-( I need to let her know. We don't like it :-(
> Do you ever ask yourself Why Am I A People?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? Like, why the hell couldn't I have been a f*cking .. tree?
Yes. Why am I me and not you? Why am I me and not... Another person? A happy person who was cared for? Why is there anything that it is like to be me at all? Why did I have to exist? Why this body?
Philosophy doesn't help.
Some things are brute.
'Where an answer cannot be given there a question cannot be asked'
'Whereof one cannot speak thereof one must be silent'
which is similar to verificationism:
the meaning of its statement is in its method of verification
How to verify those problems... How to give them meaning...
They would agree with w about the pseudo-nonsense.
But how come...
How come...
It seems to be a legitimate question to me too???I don't know why Susan.
Nobody does.
There is nothing that can be said.
It is just brute.
That is the way it is.
Explanation has to stop somewhere and there my spade is turned w.I'm sorry
poster:Estella
thread:672459
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20060722/msgs/674211.html