Posted by susan47 on August 2, 2006, at 12:46:36
In reply to Re: Wonderful, Paul » susan47, posted by Estella on August 2, 2006, at 5:27:48
I needed that hug. I needed that hug so much.
How really kind of you.
My daughter has told me I'm crazy. She really believes it, I think, and I think her father really thinks I'm a pathological nutcase, someone who can't let go of the past, someone who can't forgive .. and it isn't true.
One day I know my daughter may come here. I know she knows I come here. I made some terrible mistakes, in my life.
Awful, terrible mistakes.
She knows it. I don't want her to make them.
I was really f*cked up.
I am I guess, according to other people.. some other people.
Not everyone.
There are people who believe in me, there are people whose lives I improve, and that's a fact.
Even my ex- says I'm a good person.
And he is too.
But together, we were horrible, awful people.
It just hurts to be the only one admitting that. It always hurts.
I just don't know how many people
truly, really know honesty.
I hate myself, sometimes.
But not all the time.
Sometimes, there are little spots of sunshine.
My daughter is one of them.
My son is the other.
My eldest may be lost, forever, but I hope not.
Life hurts.
It hurts soooooo much.
poster:susan47
thread:672459
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20060722/msgs/672950.html