Posted by special_k on March 30, 2006, at 19:41:43
In reply to Re: being a bitch again... » special_k, posted by Damos on March 30, 2006, at 16:16:50
thanks damos.
((((damos))))
i won't forget you either. I won't. i promise.
i feel horrible today but it has turned into the physical ache of my period. yuk. supposed to be taking vitamin b tablets to try and help with that. it really does affect me... imean i go down on these dives a bit anyway... but that time... is fairly much guaranteed to bring one on.ugh.
ugh.
damn it it is half past 12 and i need to do some work...
might not go in today... people will be going out drinking tonight and i don't want to go.
i want to get some work done and start feeling good about myself on that score again.
i do go off rather :-(
sometimes...
i wish i was different...
and othertimes...
i think maybe what it is is that other people wishing i was different...
feels like i'm unacceptable as i am and they are wishing the body dead.
or something.
i dunno.things all get mixed up...
so very many strong urges strong feelings
i think that is my worst enemy really
the strength of it all
if they weren't as intense then i would find it easier to put them to the side and continue on with what i *know* i shuold be doing...
to continue on with what i *know* i should be saying / not saying.
but it gets intense and at the time i think i don't give a f*ck i don't give a f*ck
'cause the intensity is so much i can't imagine anything being different anyway.
then i guess i do stuff i regret later (get to arguing with people or something)and the shocks don't seem to be helping...
or maybe they are...
'cause i did stop.
but maybe i would have stopped anyway.
i was careful even before getting blocked - wasn't i?
i'm not more careful now than i used to be am i?
i may have learned some stuff... but blocks didn't really facilitate that did htey?
but it isn't about me anyway
it is about other people
and protecting them from me
or somethingand i should just shut the f*ck up and go and do some work.
poster:special_k
thread:625944
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20060125/msgs/626795.html