Posted by alexandra_k on November 19, 2005, at 3:28:03
In reply to Re: attraction rather than promotion, posted by alexandra_k on November 19, 2005, at 1:50:02
>It is SOME OF (not all of SOME OF) the stuff that is said in there that I am opposed to...
and i shouldn't have said that...
i don't think i should say i'm opposed to an ideal???
it is just a common expression for me i suppose.you know... in reading the stuff... i see how it ain't that bad...
just like the bible really...
a lot of the 'problems' are in the interpretation
or in the taking it too literally
but then... how are they supposed to write it?
i'm guessing they aren't really writing it to teach a philosopher about the nature of addiction...it is just that i am an athiest.
thats probably the biggest thing for me.
i don't see what god has to do with it.
i don't see that god has to have anything to do with it.
and so...
its not the way for me.but for a while there...
because of all the stuff on how your doctor couldn't help you and your social supports couldn't help you etc etc and that is why you are here...
well...
i started to think that it was my last hope...
and indeed they say they are there for people when they have exhausted their options.but then when it didn't seem to be working for me...
i did despair.
and i got very afraid about how it was my last hope
and it wasn't working for me.
and much as i really struggled with it...
really struggled very hard indeed...
i couldn't bring myself to want to admit i was powerless
i couldn't bring myself to believe in a higher power
i couldn't believe in the steps
i just couldn't do it that way...
and i was so very afraid because i thought i had exhausted my options and what was i going to do???and what i did...
i went back to university
and because of that...
didn't have time to hang around with my contacts anymore
didn't really want to because there were other people
other social supports
and i didn't really talk to them about using
because i didn't want them to know
but i never managed to do that before...
i really struggled so very much with stopping...
promising myself
and not doing it
ugh.i also remember...
being given a hard time...
not being allowed to speak in the meetings
because i was on a low dosage of valium
for anxiety.
that was considered a drug and thus i wasn't allowed to speak at na
and... i wasn't allowed in to another treatment program because they considered ALL psychiatric medications to be drugs and thus you had to be clean for one month before they would take you and... i lost the plot a little.sigh.
doesn't matter now.sorry i went off rather.
still...
something to think about.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:575263
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20051106/msgs/580339.html