Posted by Angielala on January 29, 2004, at 12:09:24
In reply to Jealous women at work - what to do about them?, posted by PhoenixGirl on January 27, 2004, at 19:20:36
Hey PG!
It's really ironic that you posted this. I'm doing reseach for a book that I am writing about females vs. females- learned competition.
Whether it nature or nurture, it seems girls are "taught" to be the best girl they can be. Have great clothes, have the look, be smart, have the attention of males (I find with lesibans and bisexul females, they have learned that female competition is silly and something that society cast upon us at a very young age. I don't know why it seems that a sexual preference changes how we are brought up- it's part of my research) and all that jazz.
Phoemix, I understand where you are at. I'm no beauty queen, but I get plenty of attention. I don't dress up- I wear jeans and sweaters. I'm about 140 and 5'9"- pretty average, not skinny, but not overweight. I change my hair color weekly- for fun. I have short hair... and yet, females in my office are so threatened by me. It's everywhere. It's harder for females to make new female friends as they get older than it is for men. Why is that? Because we are taught at a young age that we have to be better than the other girls if we are to "succeed" in finding the perfect "husband" (again, my research hasn't delved into the sexual preferences just yet- they differ a lot) the right job, and the right "rung" in the socirty ladder. Females feel like they need to fight other females... which is one reason I believe there is gender bias in the office- females aren't competing with the males, they are competing with the females. This crap we are taught at a young age is programmed and it comes out all over the place, and it seems females don't know what's going on.
What I try to do to discharge all that negativity from a new female around me, is to talk a lot. Try to find something of interest you can talk about. One thing that isn't a good idea is to put yourself down in order to gain another female's respect. I fell into that hole a long time ago, and became the "loser" in a popular girls clique. I would say, "Wow- you are so pretty, I wish I was like that" and their little egos would soar, and they'd come to me next time for an ego boost. So I had a bunch of really popular fake friends- not what I was looking for. You really have to let another female know that they have nothing to fear from you.
Since I have become engaged and have this rock on my hand, I cannot evem begin to tell you how many more women talk to me openly. Why? Because they know I'm off the market for men, I'm not going to be stealing theirs or flirting with any others.
Now I mentioned that I don't dress up. I'm still ok to look at, but I don't wear make up, or put my hair up in curls or any of that- it's fun to do, but I just on't have the time to do that everday. So you'd think that more females would feel comfortable around me- nope. There is another fear that females have- the fear of the tomboy. Adult female Tomboys- look like me, yet they only have male friends. They can't stand females for the most part. This is because many women can't grasp at why a female would only spend time with males, if not just to flirt, etc.
I could get really deep into this, but I don't want to offend anyone with too many of my ideas. These are just my opinions. I am fascinated with female relationships- because once we let our gaurds down and make friends with a female and it turns out to be a great friend, that is a bond strnger than any other. If females just put their egos away and tried to dicharge all those negative feelings from other females, imagine all the new girlfriends we'd have? We'd be running the country (the USA anyways) if we all bonded together. We'd be far better off if we (meaning females) all gave each other (other females) a chance.
The pretty, quite, shy type get it the worst too. Make sure to smile, keep your head up, and to be real with other females. Hey- for the most part we all get our periods, right? Bring it up- "God these cramps are killing me!" And if they give you a blank stare, don't feel bad, It takes a LOT to de-program what society (for the most part) teaches young girls.
Sorry for the rant/essay haha
> I have had a problem with jealous women in general. At work, you can't just decide to not be around them, because you have to go to work. So, I need help in managing this.
> Women are generally insecure about their looks and resentful of other women who have something they don't. I am certainly not saying this in arrogance, it's simply the truth - other women are jealous of me because I'm tall, have a good figure, and am considered very pretty. People tell me I should be a model (I am too depressed for that and the modeling world is by nature really shallow, so I don't want to be in it. I've always been a depressed "outsider" and I can't imagine being one of the "in" crowd).
> Anyway, there is a hate-at-first-sight phenomenon that happens, especially among black women. I live in Atlanta, and there is a black culture here that resents whites. Add that to the female jealousy, and it gets ugly.
> I have rarely seen bad attitudes toward me expressed by men, especially white men. My boss is a black woman though, which is not cool. She is such a bitch, ugh. She treats the black employees much better than the whites. Christ, a workplace full of gay white men would be ideal - no unwanted sexual advances from straight men or lesbians, and no resentful ugliness from straight women or blacks of either gender.
> I've been kind to everyone of at work from the start (regardless of gender or race), and I am very shy, quiet, and socially anxious. I think that because of this, the vipers make bolder affronts against me because they can.
> Any thoughts or suggestions on how to deal with this problem at work? I don't think there is a way to keep them from resenting me because the resentment is based on what their eyes see. I don't want my career to be hindered by these kinds of people, so I need to learn how to handle it now.
>
poster:Angielala
thread:306196
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040120/msgs/306886.html