Posted by Larry Hoover on December 22, 2003, at 9:23:34
In reply to Re: what must you think of all of this?Tabitha, posted by Jai Narayan on December 22, 2003, at 8:09:57
> <The way if appears to me is he can give advice but he but he can't take it. It's a one way interaction. He can be blunt but I have to be very careful and sweet. I can't be blunt as well.
Jai, if you cannot distinguish between advice and judgment, I would ask that you not speak to me or about me at all.
You said (edited by ellipsis to contract the sentence to its essence):
<<"You are not being brutal but you are not following your own rules ... e.g. respect and empathy."
There is no advice in that statement. There is only judgment, i.e. not respectful, not empathetic. I categorically reject that judgment, for a second time.
> I gave him advice when he was not asking for it.
You gave your interpretation of Tabitha's statement, i.e. her seeking of empathy, rather than advice. Again, that is not advice (to me). Instead, it implies that I am failing to heed a component of the posting which can only be inferred. Forgive me for not reading minds.
> Just like he did for Tabitha. It's okay for him and not for me?
Go back to Tabitha's original posting, which opened this thread. There are specific punctuation marks, which we call question marks, i.e. ? ....do you see them? It is not unreasonable to presume that more than empathy was being sought.
I take great care to use descriptive language (e.g. mixed message) rather than judgmental language (e.g. faulty thinking), although it is an art rather than a science to distinguish between the two. Moreover, I am not perfect in its execution, and I am more than happy to try and explain myself more fully if my intent has gone astray (please recall my "playing catch" metaphor). I do not shy away from a topic because it is awkward, but that does not make me blunt. However, there are some individuals for whom bluntness is the only style that effectively communicates my intent.
Have I been blunt enough, Jai?
Regards,
Lar
poster:Larry Hoover
thread:291123
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031217/msgs/292327.html