Posted by sfmom on December 1, 2003, at 18:32:36
In reply to death, posted by geri122 on November 26, 2003, at 15:09:47
> Im not afraid.. i often wonder. I hear people talking about how they want to do everything possible before they die. Why? after their gone who is really going to care.
> I sit in my room often wondering.. whose going to care when i am gone? who is really going to cry after im gone and mean it. Thats a hard thing to ask yourself. I have a hard time trusting people. I don't want to open up to them, i don't want to get burned.
> I look at everyone on my list thinking no all the way down. If i say that, then why i am here. Does it matter.. will the miss me... will they mean it? I shouldn't have to ask those questions but i do. I don't to feel like this, i shouldn't have to.
> Death... are you ready to deal with it?
Geri, believe it or not, thinking about why we are here on this earth and about death are important aspects of being a human. I know you've never met me but I can say to you in all honesty that I would miss you and I would cry and that I truly care about what happens to you.I just recently found out that when I was 14 or 15 some of my friends went to their parents and told them they were worried I might kill myself. Well, I thought about death a lot at that point in my life and may have welcomed it if it had come, but I certainly wasn't about to make it happen. Anyway, my friends' parents went to see my parents as a sort of intervention. I don't know what my parents' response would have been if I had tried to tell them what I was going through, because I never did try. But they sure as hell realized it was something big when confronted by these other people. I don't even remember this happening but I do know that my parents got me into therapy. I didn't really come out of that depression until I was 17, but it did get a whole lot better than lying awake all night and trying to picture my parents at my funeral and wondering if their tears would be real or just for show. At the time, I truly thought they would be just for show. I know now that I have my own daughter that there could be nothing worse in the world and that I would do anything for her.
I know that you are very afraid, but you've done a wonderful job of expressing yourself through your posts here. One suggestion I have is maybe you could print out your posts. Anyone who reads them will surely understand how much pain you have been in. But even if you don't show them to anyone else, plese print them out for yourself. Keep them in your journal. When you are finally able to get help for yourself, it will be helpful for you to remember what you were feeling. Also, I've read some amazing responses from some really wonderful people here, if some of those touched you, print them out and keep them in your pocket. When things get bad at school or at home you can take them out and be reminded that there are a lot of people who really do know how you feel.
I know that it can be a lot easier to talk to people when it's anonymous. Did you ever call that number that LynneDa got for you? Please call them and just see what they have to offer. They have been through this before and can help you find the kind of help you need. I'm sorry for rambling on here but I just want you to know that you are not alone and we all care very much what happens to you and want to see you healthy and happy. You can e-mail me whenever you want at lolasov@yahoo.com. If you want to talk on the phone, just e-mail me and I'll give you my number. Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help you. We are all pulling for you. Love, Lyssa
poster:sfmom
thread:284151
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031124/msgs/285651.html