Posted by Susan J on October 9, 2003, at 12:21:36
In reply to Re: Thanks guys, and more analysis » Susan J, posted by Larry Hoover on October 9, 2003, at 12:07:42
Larry,
> So, in some respects, you're naive. Still child-like, if you will. Just because your body matured doesn't mean your social skills, etc. matured along with that.
<<That was kinda depressing when I first read it, but it's really what I think of myself, too. I just figured it's taking me a long time as an adult to learn life's lessons, longer than the average person.>> That sounds like conditional love, to me. "I'd love you more if you were different than you naturally are."
<<Oh, you don't know the half of it. :-)
> > I feel things *very* deeply, good and bad.
>
> Me too.
<<Makes life really rough, sometimes, doesn't it? But I don't think I'd change it for the world. Like I said, I feel the good stuff really intensely as well. I think the sunrises I see are prettier than those most of the world sees..
> What triggered my own journey into this realm was the realization that I did not want to be like my father, and I could already see that I was on the path to become just like him.
<<I'm facing this with my sister-in-law now. She had a horrible mother, who was really no mother at all. And K, my sis-in-law, always said when she married and had children, she'd be the best mom in the world. I always admired her for dealing with and accepting something that to me would have been intolerable. (Her mother set K up in her own apt. at 16 because the mom's boyfriend was moving in and didn't want kids around). But now that K is a parent, she's doing *exactly* what her mom did...she hasn't bonded with her 2-year-old at all. She's now leaving my brother, out of nowhere, and leaving the baby behind as well. So *even* though she saw what she didn't like in her mom, she didn't stop herself from repeating the same mistakes.>> I had to change the definitions, set my own boundaries, over-ride habitual responses, develop awareness of subconscious processes
<<What in you made you recognize that this *work* was something you had to do to be successful in life? Why doesn't my sis-in-law recognize it?
(I know you can't answer that question, it just confuses the heck out of me she has no problem at all doing what her mother did (leaving family) when she's always hated what her mom did to her..... I guess that would be like me calling any daughter I might ever have fat and dragging her to Weight Watchers at 10. :-)>>I would never have allowed myself to have children;
<<Yeah, I'm not too keen on having kids myself because I don't know if I'm strong enough to be a good parent. I'm glad you made the successful leap. :-)>> My kids get hugged all the time, ya know? I had to learn how to be different, and it worked. :-)
<<That's the coolest! I'm happy to say that my brother (33), who also had the same emotionally dead father as I did, also loves and hugs his son all the time. Tells him how wonderful he is and how much he loves him. I think that is so great!You take care, too. I really am going to pay my parking ticket now....
Susan
poster:Susan J
thread:266817
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031002/msgs/267313.html