Posted by ClearSkies on August 31, 2007, at 7:48:19
In reply to Emotionally tapped out, posted by ClearSkies on August 26, 2007, at 14:34:37
She left the safe house, moved in with a friend (so we hear, she doesn't get in touch with us directly). And now her car had broken down. So how to look for a job without a phone to be contacted at, without a car to get to the job?
DH wants to drive down to where she is supposedly staying, bring her up to stay with us where she will have a phone to use. Wants to get her car fixed for her, and pay up either for repairs or outstanding insurance and deductable to get repairs done. Would insist on no drugs in the house. Wants to impose a curfew - in by 10pm. Wants to impose the rule that she find a job within 7 days of staying here. Or.... what? Kick her out again? We went through this 2 years ago when she graduated college, except it was 5 months that she stayed with us, didn't look for a job, and partied with her friends for all hours. DH couldn't bring himself to say anything to his daughter because he was afraid of losing her. I was the mean one, the one who lost my temper finally, and she left, vowing never to return. The damage done to our relationship put us where we are today.
I counseled my DH to call the therapist and ask her advice. I wouldn't sanction the hunting down of step daughter to give her help that, in the past, she has not accepted the conditions for. She lasted one night at her mother's, who got mad at her for being drunk and wasted, and spending gas money on partying with her friends.
Please, please, some advice. It feels all wrong to stand my ground. It feels like I'm directly responsible for whatever bad might happen to my step daughter, if I let my DH stand aside. I thought we were doing the right thing in offering the help of therapy, in offering the help of getting her to a shelter where they could help her. And she wants neither of those things. So is it our fault if she gets in worse trouble??
CS
poster:ClearSkies
thread:778865
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20070210/msgs/779909.html