Posted by Happyflower on May 24, 2007, at 10:52:23
In reply to The stepdaughter story, contd, posted by scratchpad on May 23, 2007, at 15:54:43
Hi scratchpad,
I think your stepdaughter will have to live her life she is making with all the coincedences before she will learn. But she has to do it.
Interventions only work when they are ready to see what they are doing and she is old enough that she needs to find out on her own.
Part of being detached is being detached from the situation. If you are telling your husband what needs to be done, you are still very much involved. Because I am sure if your DH deceided to follow your advice, the stepdaughter would know it was your idea and not his. It would backfire on you. The best thing is to let her mother and father deal with this because when a stepparent becomes involved when there are bioparents around, the kid will know who is doing what.
I didn't used to feel this way because I care very much for my step-now-adults, but it never was okay to get myself involved even if it was because I cared. But I had to do it with one of the stepkids because she started to use me against her father because she knew I cared and knew her dad was "distant", so she did sh*t to me to get me riled up, to get her dad to pay attention to her. If you detach yourself from the stepdaugher completely , that includes not talking about her with her father, the fathter will HAVE to do something eventually. You are still getting hurt and that tells me you haven't detached yourself from her. Please take cre of yourself during this, let your husband do his job. My DH had his head in the sand, and when I disengaged, he had to do something about it on his own. I know the situation sucks. Good luck.
poster:Happyflower
thread:748692
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20070210/msgs/759233.html