Posted by jacs on March 12, 2007, at 16:44:34
In reply to Hope to see you again, jacs. Take care. (nm) » jacs, posted by Honore on February 1, 2007, at 10:22:17
Honore-
well it finally ended...naturally i had to initiate it, because Alan could never do it. he is pretty cowardly that way...just waits to make it so miserable the other perosn has to leave and then he can proclaim he got dumped....manipulative way to end things. it has been miserable for me. appears he has no feelings for me...not love that is for sure, but i did not have those feelings either. back and forth he went, one minute let us see what happens, the next minute, let's not...i knew intuitively it was over long ago and I knew not to get involved and I did. men who are betrayed by their wives ... i do not know what to say. i do know he was a somewhat cold person and not very fulfilling emotionally which may explain two divorces intiated by the wives...but still i am sad. he never accepts responsibility for those divorces which i find interesting.....would that admit to failure or merely admit that you were human and you are not infallible? people leave for reasons and it was becoming more mind boggling to me until i look back...i ended it this past friday night on the phone. it was a a point where i just could not talk to him anymore. i ran out of words after 3 hours and though i am relieved the tension is gone, i am still sad. loss is not something i am even remotely good at.
i was getting used to seeing him and now, it is over...no talk, email, nothing--like i never knew him. i liked the guy for some reason.
that he teaches at my college does not matter to me, i would never take his classes and i assured him that he does not have any power over me. too old for that-- i am 45 and he is 51 -- but i dread seeing him on campus with his dogs....dread it and will avoid it at all costs. he could have been more honest, though he claims he was. " I am over my divorce"....okie dokie...i am hurting for sure, i am angry but then i read my posts and i am reminded of how miserable i was. geez.... we had a physical relationship, nothing more, reduced to that--claims his heart can't open up, which no doubt is true, but after two years moving on three i wished i had not been the experiment. i hope he licks his wounds first before the next go around. he did see one woman for three weeks prior to me last spring...an beleives that was the rebound relationship--though they were not intimate---i think he is very confused and not ready for anyone
i do wonder if he even cared or hurts. a therapist assured me he does because he did open up, but i don't know. i just don't want to be the only one in pain from it all.
it stinks. i am having a hard time concentrating on my work and it is mid-semester.but there it is.....
any words of wisdom are always welcome.
i am trying not to see him as a complete idiot, but he expected me not to have expectations and I just found this out. what else would i have? am i stupid?jacs...hope you are well ....
poster:jacs
thread:726893
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20070210/msgs/740445.html