Posted by jacs on January 27, 2007, at 11:25:15
In reply to Re: dating divorced men in pain, posted by Honore on January 26, 2007, at 23:32:48
Dear Honore,
Thank you for your thoughtful response. I guess in many ways I have answered my own questions. No, I owe him nothing. I have given a lot, it is my nature to do so. That is what I thought human beings were supposed to do, but I am reminded of the one way street sometimes that I often forget exists. I am sorry for people's pain but when you make your pain part of someone else's then pain has its selfish aspects, too. It isn't right. This was a new relationship, I thought it had some hope, but I don't know. I hate endings. It will be another loss and I am not good at handling those--overwhelmed by them actually. I know the psych board, but never wrote there. I know the medication board here from years ago when I was so scared to even take so much as an aspirin and that board was terrific. It is hard to reach out-- thank you for reaching back.
Jacquie
> Hi, jacs.
>
> I'm sorry that you're in such pain over this relationship. It truly sounds very difficult to be in contact with someone who's himself in such pain and unable to see or feel beyond it.
>
> Only you can know what or if you owe to this man, or whether you feel strongly enough to see him. You have no obligation to him that I can see, from what you've written. You've been as open as you feel you can, and tried to build something positive. But you also don't owe him the loss of your own good self-regard. It sounds as though perhaps his rejection is beginning to eat away at that--
>
> I'm sure it's very hurtful when he diminishes your pain and loss. But he sounds, again, as though he's too caught up in his own loss to be aware of this.
>
> Let me assure you, that there's nothing inappropriate in reaching out for support here for anything that's troubling you-- or for affirmation for the good things that happen.
>
> I hope you explore Babble a little more. There are a number of different discussion boards, centered on different topics. Your questions could be on the Psychology board-- which is more active than the relationship board. You might get some very helpful answers if you wrote more about this there.
>
> There are links to the other areas on the top and bottom of discussion page.
>
> I'm glad you're here and hope to see more of your posts.
>
> Honore
poster:jacs
thread:726893
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060920/msgs/727115.html