Posted by Racer on April 21, 2006, at 17:01:21 [reposted on April 24, 2006, at 12:14:53 | original URL]
In reply to Re: No problem..., posted by bassman on April 21, 2006, at 14:02:17
This is something else to think about: you can only control your own behavior, right? But what happens within relationships is that you form a sort of interaction-dance. If she comes home and rants, you may give her the same response every time, which brings out the same response from her, etc.
There's nothing you can do to change her behavior.
But if you change your behavior -- maybe by taking her rants as being about the whole problem, maybe by letting her procrastinate as much as she chooses to, maybe just by greeting her with a smile every evening -- it's going to change that dynamic between you. It may not solve anything, but at least it has a chance of making your evenings more pleasant for both of you.
Good luck.
(Oh, and I got my hubby into therapy through marriage counseling, and through pointing out to him that if I really was his major source of worry, talking to ME about it wasn't so productive for him. I told him I couldn't be the one he brought his worries about me to, because I felt so guilty and miserable already -- and suggested he get a therapist so that he could complain about me to someone...)
poster:Racer
thread:636483
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060220/msgs/636510.html