Posted by wishingstar on April 21, 2006, at 15:13:11 [reposted on April 24, 2006, at 12:14:53 | original URL]
In reply to Re: dealing with passive aggression, posted by bassman on April 21, 2006, at 9:01:59
Good question! I can be quite the procrastinator myself, so I really dont know what to do about that. I wish I did. :) I'm also not married and dont live with anyone, so it's hard for me to give advice on dealing with a person you see day in and day out.
The only thing that comes to mind for me is telling her how you feel, which I'd guess you've done.. but possibly doing it in a way that almost makes it sound like it's your problem and you need HER help. Keep reading! I am by NO means saying this is your fault.. but sometimes the way we word things to people makes all the difference in THEIR behavior. But what if you said something like.. "you come home every day upset about the same things, and it makes me feel so bad.. It's really hard for me to hear.. but I just dont know what I can do for you" in hopes that she'll then tell you what she really needs from you, or at least see that shes really putting a lot on you. I obviously dont know your wife so it may not work.. but things like that have worked for me in the past.
Often when people are complaining I dont think they really want to be shown alternative ways of doing things though.. unless they are really asking for them. Complaining it more of a "poor me" activity in a sense.. and it sounds like that's really true with her, since she gets mad when you try to help. Maybe even tag something on to what I wrote above about how you feel so helpless (fill in your own word of course) because you dont know what to do.. etc etc.
I really hope none of this came across as me blaming you or anything like that. I'm not trying to at all.. it's just a tricky twist of words, I guess. But I dont think of it as being manipulative.. just submitting to what the person needs in order to respond well, I guess. Oh well, I'm rambling. Good luck!
poster:wishingstar
thread:636483
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060220/msgs/636506.html