Posted by Tamar on December 28, 2005, at 20:29:29
In reply to Re: Missing her so much...Tamar/Declan, posted by wyatthaslakefever on December 28, 2005, at 19:48:11
Hi again,
> She's not my teacher or anything like that so no, I guess it's not inapropriate as far as that goes. But as to the age difference... I think it's more of a LIFE difference.
I’m glad it’s not an inappropriate relationship. But it’s true that an age difference is often a life difference.
> I'm just about to graduate from college, terrified of the future, etc. etc. and she's a 40 year old working professional. She's been in a long-term relationship (several, actually) and I have not.
Call me a hopeless romantic, but I don’t think that means you can’t be together. To me, it sounds as if you could learn a lot from her about how nice a long term relationship can be.
> She is 100 percent comfortable with sex and sexuality, whereas I am just entering that phase of my life. I feel like I cannot be what she ultimately needs--not a friend with benifits but a real-live girlfriend, the type who would be ready to, I don't know, move in at some point... Whereas I oftentimes need to be alone, alone, alone and unreachable.
Maybe that’s not so much about the age difference but about the differences in what you each need from a relationship. Many people having sex for the first time are totally comfortable with it. Some people who have been sexually active for 20 years are not yet 100 percent comfortable. And it takes time to get to know someone well enough to know you want them to be a ‘real live-in girlfriend’. I had a real live-in girlfriend once, and we knew each other for a whole year before we lived together.
> We're both afraid of losing each other, I think, and if we continue as 'lovers' or whathaveyou, there's a chance it will end poorly and hurtfully. I think we're both protecting ourselves and are in pretty much in agreement that this descision is a nessisary evil.
There’s always a chance it will end hurtfully. It’s the price we pay for being alive. But if you agree with her, then I guess there’s not much that can be done. And if you feel in your gut that you need to protect yourself, then you should trust your intuition (IMHO).
> BUT, that said: it still HURTS. That's the point. I feel less nervous now, less like I'm doing something I'm not quite ready for. If I had more experience under my belt, maybe. If I wasn't on the cusp of my adult life, again, maybe. Who knows?
Experience comes slowly. It’s good to have a first sexual experience with someone you care for. And in time you will have more sex with other women and it will be a little different, but there is plenty of opportunity for beautiful experiences.
> Anyway, thanks for listening. Thanks, thanks, thanks. You don't know how much it means.
Glad it helps. Keep talking. You will find a wonderful partner and it won’t take long because you are, as you say, on the cusp of adult life, and finding a partner is part of being an adult.
Good luck!
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:592644
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20051204/msgs/592892.html