Posted by Jen Star on November 14, 2005, at 14:31:25 [reposted on November 16, 2005, at 21:54:18 | original URL]
In reply to Boundary setting dilemma--Help!, posted by gardenergirl on November 13, 2005, at 22:37:46
hi gg,
it IS a tricky matter! And stuff that sounds so good in theory seems to fall to the wayside when it comes to putting it into practice.I like the "one hand across breast to protect them, the other hand stiffly returns the hug" idea, done while you lean in and do sort of an "air kiss" kind of hug. It's an awkward hug, but it prevents the full body contact.
You could also say, "not so tight! not so tight! I can't breathe! hahahah!" and giggle and pull away quickly and then say, "wow, you have a tight grip, Uncle XYZ. Don't break a girl's ribs, hahaha!" And treat it like a big, funny joke. And the next time he zooms in for the kill, you could reference your shared "joke" and pull away quickly before the hug starts and laugh and go, 'hahahaha! Uncle XYZ, no more hugs from YOU! Why, you almost broke my RIBS before! Am I right, people? Jane, doesn't uncle XYZ do that?" and drag other poeple in. That might embarrass him, but it would be done in a SOMEWHAT saving-face kind of way for him.
If you come out and say "pervy" or "uncomfortable" it might make a scene, or he might do the "injured suffering misunderstood martyr" thing, which would suck.
good luck!
j
poster:Jen Star
thread:579450
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20051031/msgs/579462.html