Posted by Emily Elizabeth on November 13, 2005, at 23:24:54 [reposted on November 16, 2005, at 21:54:17 | original URL]
In reply to Boundary setting dilemma--Help!, posted by gardenergirl on November 13, 2005, at 22:37:46
I must admit that my first response was "Kick him in the XXXXX." I think he deserves it, but I supose that would make a scene, huh?
I also think that having your hubby interfere is not a bad option if your hubby is the type that can pull something like that off.
Physical manuver-wise, I was thinking of turning to the side as he moves in to hug you. So that your shoulder hits his chest instead of your boobs. (maybe your hubby can try this out with you to see if it might work.) Depending on his size and the force that he uses, you might be able to control the distance of the hug by making your arms rigid so that he can't pull you in close.
Or, I feel like saying some mildly shaming thing to him might break up the hugging. Like saying loudly when he starts to hug you, "ICK! What did you just eat?! Your breath is NASTY!" Yeah, maybe it is avoidant, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
What is your sense of how he'd react to directly addressing it prior to the wedding? Part of me feels like that would be a good solution in a perfect world (recognizes the seriousness of violating a woman's personal space, calls him out on his bad behavior, etc.) however, it is pretty complicated in real life. What it comes down to is the issue of what will get the job done in the way that is most painless for gg.
I personally like any strategy that causes him embarassment or physical pain, but I may just be feeling protective of you. ;)
Best,
EE
> Do I say something in advance? (by email? by telephone? lol, ask my dad to say something?) Sayt something in the moment and risk a discussion or argument about it, (which likely will be either at the church or at the reception)? Do I just try some physical maneuver to try to deflect him (and if so, any suggestions)? Do I just try to avoid him at all costs? Have my hubby cling to me like a jealous hubby and interfere with any attempt to hug? Kick him in the XXXXX? ;)
>
> I've asked my hubby for advice, but I don't think he really *gets* it. I asked him what he would do if a woman relative pressed her groin against his when hugging, but he said he would just lean into the shoulders and keep space below. That doesn't seem like a good option for me, given anatomical issues.
>
> Ack, this just is driving me batty!
>
> Help!!
>
> gg
poster:Emily Elizabeth
thread:579450
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20051031/msgs/579454.html