Posted by LadyBug on September 14, 2005, at 0:02:05
Ok, I've never posted on this board before but this seems like a good place to start.
I don't want to type a book out here, but my feeligs are all over the place.
My husband is a manager for a large company. He about 15 has employee's under him. One of them happens to be a very talented and pretty young lady probably 17 or more years younger than he is. He gets along well with all his employees and helps them wherever he can. This young girl happens to be a talented cake decorator that would love to get her own business going. He has been helping her for several months, against my wishes for him to to be involved with her. He's directed her to a marketing plan, tried to design a business card for her and help set prices etc. Where's the red flag here???? She's young, attractive, married, they work together and he's trying to help her in her personal life that has nothing to do with their jobs!!!
Last week I came home one night to discover he had left one of his e-mails open. I'm sure he fell asleep at the computer and just got up and went to bed. Then again, accidents don't just happen for no reason. It was an e-mail from her!!!! I blew a gasket!! She said some things that indicated they were contemplating having an affair. I'm not putting the blame on just him or just her, I know it takes 2!! I know by what she said that there wasn't any sex involed, at least not yet. I can't prove anything about what they've been talking about but my gut tells me a pretty sure story.
Divorce was the last thing on my mind 2 weeks ago. Today it is taking over all my thoughts. I have been betrayed, he broke his commitment to me to be loyal and true in our marriage. I am as hurt by all this as if they had a long drawn out affair.
I replied to her e-mail, (I'm sure she thought it was him) and told her to at least wait for us to get divorced before she thought about getting together with him. I slammed my husband in the e-mail and blamed him for it all. She tried to call his cell phone the next day, I'm sure after she got the e-mail....only I had his phone and i got the voice mail she left. She wanted to talk to him as soon as he could call her. I sent her a text message from his phone and told her not to ever call his phone again and that she had destroyed us and our 2 sweet kids.
We've been married over 20 years, it's been hard but we've managed to work through some pretty major struggles.
But this is the last straw for me. I don't think I can stay married to this guy. My heart is hurting, I cry every day. My kids see my cry. They are old enough to understand some of it and they want us both to be happy.
My question to anyone that has read this far is; can a marriage survive after an affair? I know that sex wasn't part of it but if I hadn't found the e-mail, who knows what would have happened!!!!! How can a person love their spouse and be interested in someone else? Isn't marriage based on trust?? I have NONE, it was shaky before but now it's non exixtent!!!!!
Is there any hope??? He doesn't want to lose his family but I don't think he's capable of holding us together right now. He is sorry, but can he make amends to me???? Does he know how?? Or has he kicked me to the curb and it's over. I bounce back between thinking maybe we can work it out and then the hurt takes over and I want to leave!!! A kicker is that I can't supprt myself and my 2 kids right now. I'm only working part time, that just won't cut it, though I'm trying to get on full time.
Sorry this is long, it's a long story.
Thanks for any input at all. I'm alone and afraid. I've had extra visits with my therapist the last 2 weeks. She is safe to talk to, but that gets expensive too.
Thanks for letting me vent.
LadyBug
poster:LadyBug
thread:554896
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050814/msgs/554896.html