Posted by AdaGrace on August 22, 2005, at 8:40:40
In reply to Re: Hi AdaGrace, posted by Susan47 on August 20, 2005, at 10:59:21
Susan, you have a powerful understanding of yourself and me.
I see you struggle with this and I say to myself....."She knows better. She is such a beautiful, powerful, special person. And she by God should know better than to feel so down about herself."
And yet, I turn around and do the same d*mn thing.
The ability to hate and blame, turns the focus off of myself. And in that, I survive. It's a shield of armor I adorn myself with in order to protect my fragile self esteem.
And yet, I know better.
How does one regain self-esteem? Or gain it for that matter? It appears I never had it, so I can't regain it, I have to gain it.
How does a person learn to feel good about themselves?
A therapist? By making lists of "things I did this week that I felt good about?" That is crap. I mean really, it is to me.
What have we become? What has this country, this world for that matter, done to us. What have women done to ourselves? We gained power, prestige, respect (or so we thought), and we lost ourselves. Were we meant to be this way? Did God want us to lose ourselves by being super women? Being a mother, a wife, a soul provider, and also a corporate guru. Was it necessary for us to know how to starve ourselves to fit int a bunny foo foo outfit to please a man? To get a job to suplement the family income only for it to eventually be the only income available to the household? To know when it was a serious enough injury to take the kid to the hospital? To know where the man put his watch or his clean underwear? And also to unplug the toilet, fix the sink leak, change the oil in our cars?
What was the turning point in my marriage where I felt used for my intelligence and ability to bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, clean the pan, but not eat the bacon because it will put five more pounds on my bulbous behind?
Is this the perfect example of "the more capable you are, the more is asked of you, and the more you accomodate, the more you will be taken advantage of, until eventually it's just an empty shell standing there, saying "I don't want to be the queen"
Is it no wonder I feel like crap about myself, my life, and my stupid way of helping others take advantage of me?
I am woman hear me moan.
poster:AdaGrace
thread:543134
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050814/msgs/545110.html