Posted by Susan47 on August 20, 2005, at 10:59:21
In reply to » AdaGrace » Hmmmmmm..........., posted by 64bowtie on August 20, 2005, at 0:11:40
I know the feeling so well, lovey.. I wish I didn't feel this way either. I start by hating what I do, hating what I feel and what I think, knowing it's bad for me and bad for others, but unable to stop because it's such an old habit, a way of being, but somehow seeing everything in the black, that I'm a stupid fool, a needy child, is so familiar and it's hard not to do that. I act needy, then, and I can't get things done, I'm disorganized and my thoughts are a jumble and all I want is to cuddle and cozy with the man I think I'm in love with... and I'm not in love, I can only love me, and it's impossible to do.
And I hate him for rejecting me, and I hate me for rejecting myself.
Sometimes, I can turn the hate around, and I can talk to myself, and I can say, no I LOVE him, I LOVE me, and it works, for a little bit.
I wish there was a way to erase all the old messages. There is. We need the courage to change, Adagrace.
Take care, sweet woman.
poster:Susan47
thread:543134
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050814/msgs/544250.html