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Re: I Hate You » AdaGrace

Posted by alexandra_k on August 19, 2005, at 22:48:24

In reply to Re: I Hate You » alexandra_k, posted by AdaGrace on August 19, 2005, at 22:27:17

> It's wrong to hate, I know that. I just can't seem to stop it.

Yeah. Hard to figure out whats to be done when stoppit Stoppit STOPPIT! don't work...

I hate my mother... mostly. Sometimes I feel like I'm literally burning up with it. One t said I'd probably spontaneously combust lol! Seriously though, I dunno...

> Blame. That's the name of the game.

> I blame others for my unhappyness. When in reality, I am at fault.

Hmm. Or maybe... Its nobodies fault. Maybe... life is just like that sometimes. And we can accept it or we can hate it or we can rail at it or we can resign ourselves to it but either way... it doesn't care. it doesn't care at all because it just is.

meditation. meditation helped me discover my rage
and it helped me see that there are moments in time where you either cling to it or let it go
i had to learn how to let go
not that i've learned how
but i can do it a little
a little
just a little
i really should get back to that...
when i first started meditating i would just cry
lots of really hard crying
for about a week
till i figured how to let it pass

i think anger is probably the same.


if you blame other people then there isn't anything you can do to make it better in the future
if you blame yourself then that is painful just too painful and you still don't really understand what it is about you and so there isn't anything you can do to make it better in the future
you'll probably get sick of hating yourself
so turn back to hating someone else for a while...

it is hard.
it is hard to see some of the concrete things we can do to make a difference
it is hard
(((gracie)))

 

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