Posted by kid47 on July 28, 2005, at 14:41:09
I'm going to RAMBLE here for a while and probably state the obvious about some things. I used to think I really understood women and their needs/wants, both physical and emotional. In reality I didn't have a clue. Over the last few years I have begun to replace my ignorance with what I hope are some legitimate revelations about the feminine genders desires and sex in general, although I assure you I won't be able to clearly articulate these discoveries. I think somebody once said, or maybe I just made this up (not sure) that a woman must first open her heart to really enjoy intimate physical contact (sex) where as sex for a man is a necessary step to open his heart. If there is any truth to this, I think it might make sex for a woman a much riskier venture than for a man. I feel that when sex works well it can connect two people at a level that neither could of imagined. When sex doesn't work, it can be one of the most destructive forces a relatonship can (or can't ) endure. Granted, problems with sex are often an indicator of other serious issues, but IMO, sex, of and by itself, can have a tremendous influence on things . Most of my relationships were "instigated" by a furious sexual encounter that would either evolve into something more, or just last a weekend. I think though, this approach often side tracked a more natural progression. Being the rocket scientist type, I finally figured out that it is a whole lot better idea (sometimes anyway) to actually find out about a persons values, interests, politics, income (just kidding) and general compatibility before persuing a more intimate level of involvement. For a guy who grew up in the 70's, when sex was considered a sport, this was quite a discovery. Knowing you are able to communicate with someone in a meaningful way, before being in a situation where you may need to be discussing the sometimes very delicate issue of sex, might be useful information to have. I know...I know..duh...but some of us are slow learners. There are so many deep, dark, scary thngs that can manifest themselves from what is potentially one of the greatest expressions of caring, closeness and just plain fun things we can do. When people talk about "power", "control", "using it as a weapon", "withholding" in a discussion about sex, it gives you some indication of how destructive intimate physical contact might be. The incomprehensible pain and suffering that an astonishing number of people (mostly women) chronically contend with due to sexual abuse is an unfortunate indicator of the frightening force and negative energy and impact the physical act can have. I no longer have a flip, cavalier attitude about sex. I try and treat the whole subject a little more thoughtfully and with a little more respect for its importance in the scheme of things. Oh yeah, occasionally I'l say things like "I need to get laid" and to some degree that is probably accurate, but I might also just need to know that someone feels there is something special or meaningful about me.(other than my mom...Ok calm down all you Freudians) As usual, I have used waaaay too many words with little meaning. How do you deal with a complex mixture of passion, esteem, deep emotions, physical pleasure, and the baggage it can dredge up? Hopefully the very insightful peole who frequent these boards can put a good spin on this drivel and make it seem like I'm actually saying something.
Well thank God for Ernest Hemingway...I should have written this...except for a lack of ability and insight and a meanigful concise grasp of language and communication, I could have. It does connect with me at a core level on how the physical and emotional aspects of sex should mingle:
"Afterward we will be as one animal of the forest
and be so close that neither one can tell
that one of us is one and not the other.
Can you not feel my heart be your heart?
Sorry. I'm all over the map! I guess i can just blame it on the medspeace
kid
poster:kid47
thread:534819
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050724/msgs/534819.html