Posted by portage on July 13, 2005, at 0:09:48
In reply to Re: living with/ loving someone whos suicidal, posted by fallsfall on July 3, 2005, at 9:39:44
> You have a loving mother. And she has a very loving child. What a blessing for you both!
>
> Speaking as a mother with depression (disabled for 8 of the last 10 years), what I need most from my children is to know that they love me, and to know that they will go about the business of growing up. Sounds like you tell her that you love her. She is lucky indeed. Do your "growing up" thing. That includes making decisions she doesn't approve of, and bucking the system to a degree. You need to do those things to grow up, and she understands that. If you feel that you have to be too "good" because she has difficulties, then you won't get what you need to get out of growing up - and she will (correctly) feel that she has held you down.
>
> The best thing you can do for your mother is to live a good life for yourself. The old saying "Make your mother proud" really does apply. This is how you can show her that she really has done a good job.
>
> Try to remember that you are her child, not her husband, not her therapist, not her friend. She has those other kinds of people - from you, she needs you to be her child (her mature and growing up child).
>
> She is a lucky woman. Best luck.you really told me what i needed and wanted to hear. i had never given serious thought to her only wanting me to "grow up good", but now i realize that most of her words and actions SCREAM that. she wants me to have me own life.
i can definitly relate more to how she must feel; it isnt my place to "take care" of her like i've been trying to do. and trying to is really stressful, on both of us, apparently.
your post means a lot, especially coming from you, a mother yourself.
you've made me more rational about this.
thanks for the words.from portage.
poster:portage
thread:522890
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050627/msgs/526992.html