Posted by portage on July 3, 2005, at 0:43:41 [reposted on July 3, 2005, at 10:57:29 | original URL]
In reply to Re: living with/ loving someone whos suicidal » portage, posted by pinkeye on July 2, 2005, at 21:23:15
wow, thanks guys for the kind words.
i am 18, just graduated highschool and plan on living at home for the next year.
my father is here too, and he is absolutely wonderful; if my mom is the most nurturing selfless person i know, then my dad is the second-most.
he is very good to her and has more patience than i could imagine having, and he doesn't have the same communication problems i have with her. she accepts his conern about her and thrives on the support from him.
i just wish i could do the same. something about the dynamic of our relationship through the years- her going from care-taker and now suddenly to being taken care OF, and i think she wants so much to take care of ME. but she just gets so sad sometimes she cant even get out of bed.she told me the other day she feels like all of my mental health problems are her fault, and she is so so sorry that she passed on her genes. she told me she wanted to raise her kids to have a life better than her own; and she told me she failed.
i was so taken aback. we were both crying and i tried so hard to convince her of all the ways shes been a great mother and so brave, and that i loved her, but she didnt buy any of it. she made me promise i'd never kill myself. she said that was her greatest fear. i said, no, no i never would.yes, she is on antidepressants, thyroid meds, mood stabalizers, and i think a neuroleptic. she's in weekly therapy. she's currently in the middle shock-treatments- she'll have her 6th and final one next week.
so yeah, she is battling this and has been her whole life.
and i guess theres only so much improvemt that's possible for someone like her. she's had year-long remissions at times throughout my adolescence, but the past two years have been at battering of chronic depression and two serious suicide attempts.
i'm sort of letting off steam here, sorry for not responding to each post. and thanks for the kind words.
poster:portage
thread:522890
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050627/msgs/522895.html