Posted by alesta on May 1, 2005, at 10:18:55
In reply to Re: Horrible Day, Please let me whine, posted by Susan47 on May 1, 2005, at 8:23:14
> His nature is and I think it always has been, to lay blame and to see the worst in everyone. It's amazing to me, how people can hide their true selves so effectively when they're trying to make a good impression. I think it's why long courtships are important; I had to learn that lesson the experiental way. Stupid, but I jump into relationships when I'm lonely.
> So that attitude of laying blame leads to sarcasm and ugly talk. And as soon as this person opens his mouth, his tone of voice kind of makes you want to tune him out. And you do, and she does. But, yes, she is getting something from her father that's positive, she feels grateful that she has a father. He plays games with them some days, he sets limits, usually they're unreasonable, he expects them to be fully adult. He tells them to do things they're not able to do then gives no help.
> Is that positive?well, i don't know how to explain this, but, looking on the bright side (i will always try to find one; :) i'm not excusing his behavior), at least he is 'out there' with his bad side (to you and your family, not the outside world)..i think that tends to be a lot less toxic than covert manipulative abuse, like my mother. i can't explain what she did to me, but she took my very identity away from me growing up..my whole purpose was to serve her..she made me think like her..,e.g. if i would stand in a room and not face her she would stand in front of me so that i would focus on her..or i would be 8 years old on crutches and she would ask *me* to go get *her* coffee. i wasn't allowed to have my own emotions..it took me years to figure out who the hell i was. oops. sorry to change the subject. your posts get me talking..i didn't realize we had these certain things in common, lol..
how is your daughter adjusting in life? does she have any symptoms of mental chaos/depression?
aim
poster:alesta
thread:490940
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050325/msgs/492257.html