Posted by Susan47 on April 30, 2005, at 15:50:48
In reply to Re: Horrible Day, Please let me whine » Susan47, posted by alesta on April 30, 2005, at 13:03:38
You said,
"hi susan,i kind of feel like an intruder coming on this board..i already feel like i drove ppl off the social board with all my posts this week.:( anyway."
No, I don't believe that you did for one instant. You did not. You were wonderful.
"i really wanted to respond to this cause my ex was a misogynist...."
I'm thinking, this should be interesting. Will it turn out that we have the same type of experience, or am I mistaken and S isn't a misogynist, just a guy who can't relate well to me ....
"....and it was awful..everyone thinks all our problems were due to his crack use, but there was the misogynist problem on top of that. so it was really horrible."
I can relate to that, because misogyny is something people don't understand IRL, it's something that sometimes is well-concealed. And there're usually other problems, aren't there, such as alcohol or drug abuse, because the fact is that a misogynist is an unbalanced
person. Something's happened inside him or her. Because females can be misogynistic, too, I Know. And it is horrible, yes."dating a misogynist sucks. btw, he was also a momma's boy. which is the worst. worse than dealing with any drug addict."
Interesting. Momma's reluctant little boy, methinks. Momma is controlling.
...."he was unable to be emotionally intimate with me. i felt like an object to him and i will *never* date a man again who loves him mom like a girlfriend..is emotionally intimate with her and not me. unreal. it was emotionally tortuous to deal with..felt like i was being cheated on in the worst way (a deep emotional way)."
Yes. Oh, yes. He and momma get together and suddenly, honey, You are the Enemy. And you're completely awestruck at the rage you feel, because you're not the raging type, not really, you might hate violence, but this act of betrayal IS a violent one. It's emotionally violent, it's against you, and you rage back. You haven't done anything to deserve This, what is being force-fed to you now, in this Bitch's presence. The raised eyebrows, the secret glances, the nuances of speech that gently jab away at you, anything can be taken in at least two or three different ways, and you're tired, so exhausted by having to feel like you're constantly defending yourself, there's a need to hate this woman and her son, because he isn't defending you at all, in fact, behind your back he is saying the meanest things about you, and his whole family is too, and you don't find out until he actually tells you what he's said with them. Sorry, that was my rant.
"....anyone whose [sic], had to deal with emotional incest invading their relationships will know what i'm talking about. before this relationship i didn't even understand the concept of a momma's boy. i sure do now.
"i think his mother's treating him like a husband instead of a son from an early age is what made him a misogyist personally.."
Exactly. My ex- was the surprise youngest of a troubled, hated marriage, a relationship long gone sour, he saw huge amounts of turmoil rage and anger. Incest. Never thought about mother and son, but I'm wondering now if that was a possibility that's been blocked out by him.
"i think he has deep-seated, repressed again toward her and, hence, women in general (but there can be several other scenarios that create a misogynist, always relating back to the parent/s) but he is sickeningly sweet to her and doesn't have any conscious anger.."
That is exactly right. Exactly. Sweet as pie to Mom. Never a bad word against her, unless he's talking to you. Then she's apparently the Bitch from Hell, but he loves her, you know? And even when he says this to you, he never ever loses his temper, it's the one subject you can be guaranteed he never gets excited about. He's afraid to feel what he wants to.
"he directed it toward and other women previous to me..guess i should've known something was wrong when i saw all those holes in the walls..."
I never saw any holes in the walls but the first time I saw him, I remember thinking he looked unhappy (so of course I'm instantly attracted, my little fix-it project, which lasted just long enough to drive me insane and stay that way for several years) and also, I was very very frightened because his kitchen table looked unrecognizable, as such.
Anyways, Alesta, any ideas what you do when this guy has your daughter living with him??? I can't believe it but last week he did something so awful, so terrible, I told the doctor. And the social worker at school. So now the secret is out, and no one can ever say they didn't know, not the people who're supposed to help, in any case.
And I made sure she'll be safe from now on.
But it wasn't easy, Alesta, because she knows
she might lose him if the truth were known
and she gets incredibly angry with me when I
try to protect her, so I walk on eggshells,
and I take the risk of her anger, so I know
that the right thing was done.
Man, I can't believe it all came to this.
I'm just in shock.
This knowledge is all new to me.
poster:Susan47
thread:490940
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050325/msgs/491969.html