Posted by Dinah on November 10, 2004, at 9:22:26
In reply to Re: My parents » Dinah, posted by AdaGrace on November 9, 2004, at 23:07:39
A lot really. I really do very little.
I stop by once a day. I come when they call for things like that. But I don't take them into my home. I don't participate in their physical care. I offer to contact home health agencies for them, but I'm not willing to bathe them myself. I feel bad about that.
Yesterday the nurses were cleaning my father's feet. As he's just recently begun to consent to wear diapers and he has been making awful messes for others to clean and he doesn't wear shoes and the person they hired to help out with things like bathing (but who doesn't come often enough IMO) has been out of town, I imagine the possibilities of what they found on his feet were really revolting. When my mother explained about the woman being out of town, the nurse said in a disapproving tone I could hear plainly from outside the curtain "Don't you have family that can help you?" I'm sorry to say they don't.
My therapist says not to feel bad because of my emotional limitations. But I was raised to believe your emotional limitations were no excuse for your behavior. I feel bad. But I also can't bring myself to break those father daughter taboos on touching. I'm pretty sure I can't do it for my mother either. I pretty much have to blank out when I'm with them as it is, or I wouldn't be able to do what I do do.
Unfortunately my life will just get worse if one of them dies. My mother is what makes it possible for my father to stay at home. Even more importantly my father is the check on my mother to keep the behaviors probably caused by mental illness in check. Without him around, her behavior will be out of control. I don't think she's certifiable (and while an attorney thinks she's probably interdictable, I'm not up to that fight), but without my father she's going to go bankrupt and fill her house up to the ceiling in every room with junk.
I see no way out of this for my lifetime, as I fully expect my mother to outlive me.
poster:Dinah
thread:413527
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20041106/msgs/414181.html