Posted by sunny10 on November 9, 2004, at 12:24:37
In reply to Re: My parents » Dinah, posted by SLS on November 9, 2004, at 10:16:24
Yes, Scott is right- you need boundaries, and FAST. That numb doesn't last long- serious pain may follow.
As they are both in wheelchairs, they are bound to be very angry at life in general. Feeling "helpless" is a terrible way to live- you've felt it, too- probably during their vicious verbal onslaught.
I suggest talking with them about it. Maybe tell them that you are a grown woman with self-respect and you will not allow them to treat you with unkind words, ever. Maybe suggest that you realize that life is not easy for them, but that you were there to help and they "must have misplaced their dignity while in a panic". Sometimes being reminded of bad behavior is enough- sometimes not.
If they refuse to "remember" their horrific words, get a little tape recorder. My brother did that to my ex-husband when my ex refused to "turn over" during the night and we all lived together at the time. My bro taped the horrendous snoring, and my ex was embarassed that he had called my brother a liar. Next time I nudged him to "turn over"- he didn't fight me, he turned.
Seems a lame comparison, I know- If I had thought to use this method with my own mother, we wouldn't be estranged for the last eighteen years and would have better examples for you ! I guess I'm saying that I wish I had asked for advice back then, like you have now. And you are so good to not just threaten them with never helping again, et cetera...as most people in that position would've done!
Your bravery and obvious patience awes me,
sunny10
poster:sunny10
thread:413527
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20041106/msgs/413813.html