Posted by jlynne on November 5, 2004, at 13:43:08
In reply to Re: Didn't I ask a question? » 64bowtie, posted by sunny10 on November 5, 2004, at 10:23:18
Sunny, it sounds like we are dealing with similar childhood issues, and I would like to share something that my SO has been helping me with.
When I feel deep pain, anger, fear, etc. I am beginning to recognize that the current emotions are just triggering the irrational emotions and subsequent baggage that I improperly processed as a child. As long as I feel that I am in a safe place now (and that is where Ron comes in) I am able to re-frame the current situation in my adult mind and separate the old reactions out and away, allowing myself to get a grip on the reality of the situation and become free from the crippling pain of the past.
It has been like an awakening for me, and is affecting all my relationships, not just mine and Ron's. My older daughter and I have found healing and love, and she is learning the process, too. I am walking in awe every day because of the dramatic changes that are taking place in my life.
There are two books I would like to recommend to you. The first is "Emotional Intelligence", which explains the influence of the original childhood emotions. The second is "Getting the Love You Want" by Harville Hendrix - about improving relationships for established couples.
Here is a link to an interview with Harville Hendrix, which will give you an idea of where he is coming from:
http://www.divorcemagazine.com/cgi-bin/show.cgi?template=article&state=@state@&article=relationships/harvillehendrix. . . jlynne
poster:jlynne
thread:411216
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20041015/msgs/412211.html