Posted by sunny10 on November 5, 2004, at 10:23:18
In reply to Didn't I ask a question? » sunny10, posted by 64bowtie on November 5, 2004, at 7:37:27
I appreciate your "seeing a different future" for me.
If I hadn't understood all of this about myself for the past twenty years(unfortunately for me, I am NOT a child, logically, sigh. It would be easier if I was)
and STILL made the same screwed up choices/ decisions about "love", I might be as hopeful as you seem to be on my behalf.
But, as you say about the feathers, it is difficult to know for sure what is "good" and what is "bad".
I am counting on the fact that my SO and I are both so afraid of being hurt- and both so afraid of hurting anyone else- that the HARD WORK and knowledge that you mentioned may serve to help us provide companionship and respect to each other.
I'm not so sure about "love". We both are so confused by what "love" is supposed to be that we can love the other, but not really feel loved by them, if that makes sense.
I was brought up by parents whose idea of love was neglect (ignoring, mostly) and then physical abuse. My SO doesn't do that to me, so my inner child cannot "accept" that he loves me, although I, as an adult, logically KNOW otherwise. This is where I need to find a therapist who can teach me how to BELIEVE things that I know logically to be true- because all of my "feelings" are screwed up. Mostly I walk around feeling like an idiot because I cannot feel what I know.
My SO was brought up in a "normal" household, where his parents expressed love freely to each other and their two sons, but then, apparently while still proclaiming to "love" his father, his mother left his father for another man when my SO was a teenager- ripping him away from his father who was devastated by the loss of his wife, son, house, et cetera. He was, at under 18, forced to go with his mother- who was following his new stepfather from state to state. His last girlfriend was an alcoholic who "loved him" and then shot herself (she's still alive) when he asked her to go into detox to save their relationship if she loved him. Naturally, he doesn't believe any woman when they say they "love" someone now. He sees men as being the "lovers" and the women are the liars.
For both of us this is difficult to "maintain" a relationship, no matter what we "call" it, but we are trying.
-sunny10
poster:sunny10
thread:411216
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20041015/msgs/412077.html