Posted by partlycloudy on October 14, 2004, at 21:39:44
In reply to Affairs, posted by dazedandconfused on October 14, 2004, at 16:29:36
I have always had a theory - which I tried to proved over and over - that an affair was 90% in my head. That once you made the transgression beyond a fantasy that you had actually made an emotional committment. I have had a single experience in the last 20 years - that lasted 10 years - of which the physical aspect lasted about 6 of them. In my mind, the betrayal to my marriage preceded any active participation in that I spent so many hours with my "dream" partner in various scenarios.
The reality was far from the dream. The marriage fell apart independently of the affair - it never entered seriously into any discussion. Still I know in my heart that I would not have been seeking to fill this emotional cave in my heart with the affair if there wasn't a problem with the marriage in the first place.
OK - I was married 18 years. I had this affair - in person and by distance - for 10 of those years. I am with neither of these men, and do you kow why?
Because neither of them respected my relationship with them. They wanted the thrill, or the drama, or the sympathy, or the pity that they evoked in me - but neither were prepared for a full fledged relationship. That was the difference for me. I walked away from both relationships at the same time.
poster:partlycloudy
thread:403066
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20040917/msgs/403171.html