Posted by dazedandconfused on October 14, 2004, at 16:29:36
I believe this is the first thread I have ever started. I have really gotten a lot out of this board and hopefully get some support on this subject.
Brief background. Married 9 years. Lifetime depression. Highly functioning until about five years ago. Got a great job six years ago. At same time got a lot of attention from someone at work. He was bigtime senior managment, I was just a worker bee.
This relationship never really went anywhere physical. Mostly email and phone. Tried to break it off after a few months. But I kept going back. Again and again. Truly addicted. Laid off after a year. Nervous breakdown ensued. Still not the same...Five years after the layoff.
I have done everything...therapy for four years, written letters, EMDR. I have not worked for almost five years. Thankfully don't have to and don't really want to...always hated my jobs. But I think I probably have to go back to work at some point to regain some sense of self-esteem. And I have gone over 1 year at a time without contacting this person, but I always go back. Its truly an addiction. Makes me feel better for awhile, but always worse afterwards. Especially when he rejects me, which is the current stage we are in.
Someone please tell me I will get over this fully. I truly want to recover but the guilt (I have a wonderful husband) has nearly destroyed me. Despite the fact that nothing really ever happened.
Help,
dazed
poster:dazedandconfused
thread:403066
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20040917/msgs/403066.html