Posted by annierose on August 18, 2011, at 21:28:44
In reply to Re: The unraveling of a long term relationship » annierose, posted by lucielu2 on August 18, 2011, at 15:38:12
Thank you Lucie. I appreciated yours and everyone's thoughts on my angst. It helped more than you could imagine. I just couldn't get a handle why this upset me so much even though the initial hurt was put to rest.
Separation is not a current issue for me - but I can easily imagine how I would feel. I have left my current therapist once before with a 15 year time frame in between. I made myself promise that I would never seriously quit midsession again. I want to go through a long termination ... if possible ... and not that I see that in the cards anytime soon.
I will say that today was finally healing. As soon as I entered I could tell that she was in a different, more neutral, frame of mind. She let me know that she really wanted to help me and has thought a lot about how she could best do that.
She reminded me that most moms are "good enough" - despite everyone's personal issues, most moms give their kids enough of what they need and that my mom was not good enough and that I need to appreciate how alone and rejected I felt and continue to feel throughout my life.
Looking back on the course of events that led us to today, she said, "I should have called you. I knew you would be upset and hurt. I thought I was conveying that to you via text, but I see now you did not receive my text as comforting." I actually felt dismissed.
It took us a few weeks - but eventually we got to a better place.
I really liked what Dinah said - how I don't hold all my experiences with the person in mind. And it is something I could work on. My son, who is 12, sees a social worker for his anxiety and he said something a few years ago that I need to remember. I asked him once how to respond when my son (or daughter) gets angry at me and shouts, "You're mean, I hate you." He said to calmly say, "That's okay, I still love you and your loving feelings will come back." I forget the exact situation ... but the "your lovings feelings will come back" really soothe a distressed kid.
Thank you Lucie. I am so appreciated of your insight.
poster:annierose
thread:994034
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110706/msgs/994257.html