Posted by annierose on August 16, 2011, at 16:01:40
I was out of town for three days returning to therapy this afternoon. I feel my relationship is broken. And it's not even about what initially caused the rupture. I do see where the initial talk of another appointment time was received differently to her that I meant ... a total miscommunication ... and that happens in all relationships and I'm over that.
What still bothers me, a great deal, is how she seems to be pushing so much of what happened upon me. She has thrown out twisted ideas that I created the entire scenario in order to see her demostrate to me that I wanted her to treat me differently, or special. Another zinger was around knowing she gave the appointment time to another client. These conversations go in circles. And I'm listening to her but don't get it ... I mean I get what she is saying, but I don't hear her "get" what I am saying.
I keep telling her and told her today - but I don't see you trying to see or feel things from my perspective. You were shocked by my initial reaction (my text sent to her in above thread) but why shouldn't I be shocked. I hear her telling me, "there's needs to be a step before you assume the worse in people and jump off the deep end." That's what I thought I was doing ... taking a step in asking her, "what happened? this is hurtful."
I hear her telling me, "suck it up." [she has not said those words - but that is what I hear]
I left my appointment in tears. After 8 years, it feels I keep banging my head against a wall.
She said so much today that I need to process but most of it was more of these general statements that I find maddening. I'm trying to keep an open mind but find myself asking: why can't she see why I'm hurt? Why can't I tell her that I am hurt? Why can't she hear that? Why is she blaming me for reacting to her giving another client a time she offered me just a few hours earlier?
I don't see where this could get better.
poster:annierose
thread:994034
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110706/msgs/994034.html