Posted by lucielu2 on August 17, 2011, at 2:33:25
In reply to Re: The unraveling of a long term relationship » lucielu2, posted by annierose on August 16, 2011, at 19:39:22
I agree with emmanuel that it does seem like throwing the baby out with the bath water - this has been a good relationship for many years, one that has helped and supported you. Perhps you should try connecting with her from another angle. You feel she is not hearing you and maybe the two of you just can't get there from this direction. If you are holding out, in a sense, for her to "get" your feelings that this incident provoked and it doesn't happen, maybe due to countertransference, then you will feel deeply disappointed and she may feel frustrated. Then you reach an impasse that neither of you want. Perhaps if you think instead about other situations where you have felt similar feelings and talk about those, then those same feelings will get expressed and hopefully explored.
So maybe the focus should be on your feelings themselves, about your feeling displaced and your hurt and insecurity that the relationship is changing. Even before the incident happened, you said in another post that you felt that she might be becoming tired of you etc. You are looking to her for reassurance, perhaps for some relief from those uncomfortable feelings, and you don't feel you are getting it. Maybe you wouldn't really be able to believe it if she did reassure you, and where would that be coming from? While it may be hard to tell, it is possible that she is not even the true source of those feelings, maybe they're not really from anything she is doing or not doing. Maybe if she's not hearing you, it is more that she is not hearing these feelings on a deeper level.
It might be valuable to ask yourself what are your feelings about being in such a deep relationship and for such a long period of time? It sounds like you have a history of feeling displaced, which may express itself by feeling ignored; if so, why is it coming out now? Are you perhaps wondering one some level what it will feel like without her when you end therapy? Sometimes we unconsciously bring about that which we fear. Any of these may or may not be true for you but perhaps exploring your deeper feelings will help you break through the current impasse with her.
poster:lucielu2
thread:994034
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110706/msgs/994082.html