Posted by mellow on August 17, 2011, at 2:56:52
In reply to Transference and why some alliances go bad?, posted by floatingbridge on August 15, 2011, at 14:31:03
I have had some therapeutic relationships breakdown over time. In one case I had a very controlling therapist who was really not well herself. In other instances I went into the hospital and never went back to continue the relationship. I have been seeing my current pdoc for 4 years and my current T for 2.5. They are in the same practice.
I find there can be a great deal of emotions transferred in my case. Usually when I can't pin point what is bugging me I get sort of angry with my treatment team. I really don't have anyone in my life I can talk to like my therapist. We actually made a real breakthrough this afternoon. I told her some darker stuff that goes through my head and she didn't even blink. I had been holding onto it for months feeling like she could hold hospitalization over my head if I disclosed too much.
My wife is my best friend and we can talk about just about anything, but my relationship with my T is situated in a way that I don't feel like a burden so I can be totally open. I can bitch for an hour if I want to. Sometimes I can be an jerk. I've even gotten passive aggressive with her and accused her and her practice of benefiting financially from so many people's misery rather than being good hearted. I felt bad about that, but she didn't judge me for it. She knew I was in a bad place that day.
I think for many reasons the relationship can get messed up. By giving someone emotional power or seeking their approval you can get pretty twisted when you aren't feeling well. If I'm not doing well I start to think I need to move on or that she isn't doing a good job. I question her methods etc. Then I have a lot of guilt and feel like I'm putting up an emotional wall for thinking about "leaving".
I have anticipation for our sessions all week and when I don't find a lot of resolve in our session I sometimes transfer that disappointment or fear as anger at her. I do the same thing with my pdoc. For these and so many other reasons the relationship can get weird and I don't even do Freudian stuff. It's not very deep. She does patient center therapy. She studied Karl Rogers a lot. There is CBT woven in as well, but for the most part it's about having a place to clear my mind. She's not big on the subconscious. If she was I'd be locked up lol... I can't imagine what it would be like if I were working with a true analyst.
All I can say is when I feel angry or disappointed with my T it usually has more to do with me needing a target for my frustration and nothing to do with her abilities. I can imagine it would be hard for her to watch me grow and then digress at times when I am not doing well, but overall I have made more progress than failure and she tells me I am a fun client.
Sorry for the long post. I hope it works out floating.
mellow
Bipolar II
Lamictal 150, Topamax 50, Risperdal 2, Cal/Mag, D3 1000, Fish Oil 2400, High Potency Multi"We're all just walking each other home." -Ram Dass
poster:mellow
thread:993914
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110706/msgs/994084.html