Posted by Solstice on August 19, 2011, at 17:19:40
In reply to Re: Transference and why some alliances go bad? » pegasus, posted by floatingbridge on August 19, 2011, at 10:22:47
Floating -
When I started therapy with my current therapist, I had No intention of saying one word about my previous failed therapeutic relationship. It was such a source of pain and shame, that I did not want to talk about it. I blamed myself. Some two or three months into therapy with my new therapist, though, I made a statement of fact about my being unable to sustain relationships. By that time, this therapist had learned enough about me to go down the list and bring up relationships that I had been (and was currently) successful at sustaining. Then came the *big* question: "So Solstice - what relationship is it that left you feeling so incompetent in relationships? There is something going on here that you aren't telling me.. and unless you tell me, I won't be able to help you." It was like a big ole light shined on my secret shame. But by then, a series of things that had taken place with this therapist had left me feeling like I was safe. So... I said it. I revealed that failed therapeutic relationship... and it ended up consuming a considerable amount of time from that point forward as I worked through the pain. That failed relationship had such a toxic effect on me, I thought I would never, ever heal. I was drowning in unbearable pain. but... my new therapist provided a therapeutic relationship that 'held' me throughout the process. It's been 3.5 years now.. and heal I did. It's probably been almost two years since I even mentioned my toxic therapist's name in therapy :-) And believe me - at times I thought the pain would kill me.
I would probably still be wrestling with that pain if I had not been confronted by my therapist about the secret pain I was holding onto.. where it could brought out into the open and worked through within a safe therapeutic relationship.
Solstice
poster:Solstice
thread:993914
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110706/msgs/994320.html