Posted by Dinah on August 15, 2011, at 20:33:17
In reply to Transference and why some alliances go bad?, posted by floatingbridge on August 15, 2011, at 14:31:03
I think that swing to ok has always been the thing that has taught me the most in therapy. To value someone warts and all, and recognize that they can be valuable in your life even when they are jerks.
I think my therapeutic relationship has been deepened by fighting to relationship. There's more than one way to fight. The kind that hurts the relationship is when one or both parties hurl accusations then shut themselves off. The kind that helps is when both parties open themselves up instead of shutting themselves off. And are open and vulnerable about how they feel. "When you... I feel..." or "When you... what I hear is ... Is this what you mean to say?" "Maintaining a relationship with you is very important to me, but right now I'm furious with you."
I think my therapist is particularly skilled at this (thank heavens) and has taught me a lot. I just wish he didn't have to exhibit this skill so often.
My guess is that it's all related to finding balance in life. Things aren't all rah rah, or all doom and gloom. My therapist is an idiot at times, and he's helpful at times. Sometimes he seems all idiot, and sometimes he seems all helpful. I'm a good client some of the time, and a difficult and annoying client some of the time. And while he might get sick of me sometimes, he is usually also able to hold the other image of me at the same time.
I don't know if I can explain it well. And it's got to be a two way street. Some therapists have no skill or inclination to fighting to relationship.
poster:Dinah
thread:993914
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110706/msgs/993951.html