Posted by SLS on March 10, 2009, at 7:45:01
In reply to I Feel So Weird, posted by backseatdriver on March 9, 2009, at 22:23:38
Is it hard for you to focus your full attention on the therapeutic work you are there for?
One starting point for you might be to be clear to yourself as to what you want and don't want. Do you want to have an intimate relationship with your therapist? Do you want not to have an intimate relationship outside of marriage? What are the obstacles to getting what you want or don't want?
For me, I developed an attraction for my therapist very quickly. I had a few fantasies, but actually made it my business not to let my own wants and desires grow. I allowed my feelings to extinguish themselves over time. Self-discipline? Yes. Although I am lonely and starved for an intimate relationship, I had no intention of ruining my therapeutic relationship. I was clear to myself about this. At first, I just filed away somewhere in my head the desires and romantic notions, and kept them out of MY sight during sessions. After sessions, I worked out on my own that I did not want something to happen, and that I would not let it happen. So, I refused to allow myself to indulge in fantasy. I also felt that if I continued to want an intimate relationship, that this need could eventually be filled by someone else. Why wreck the very thing that might allow me to have more and better relationships with others?
Two things made it a no-brainer to choose to look for intimacy somewhere other than the therapeutic session. I try not to allow myself to cultivate strong desires for things I cannot have.
1. My therapist is married.
2. There is an APA mandated two year moratorium on therapists having sex with former clients.Can you take "no" for an answer when it is you who is saying "no"?
I asked myself, "Should I have an affair with my psychotherapist?" After but a moment of consideration, I gave myself the answer "No." I then made the commitment to not allow it to happen. It has not always been easy, especially when I began to get the feeling that my therapist was attracted to me. Maybe this is something that often happens in therapy - the BELIEF that the therapist might have feelings or desires or fantasies about me. Maybe it is a need for my ego to have met. I really don't know. She probably has no feelings at all towards me. Why should I sometimes suspect otherwise? I don't know. However, if she were to disclose to me her having feelings for me, I guess I would ask what is to be done within the therapeutic milieu when this happens. If I were propositioned, I would still say "No."
Ok, so what does happen if it is the therapist who develops a desire for the client and verbalizes it?
- Scott
poster:SLS
thread:884680
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090227/msgs/884712.html