Posted by backseatdriver on March 9, 2009, at 22:23:38
Hi Babblers,
Had my session earlier today with, as usual, the therapy hangover beginning a few hours afterward. This time, though, the discomfort feels clear. I feel seduced, which is par for the course with my T and not particularly problematic. But what is more troubling is this: *I feel like it is my fault*.
I was careful, during this session, not to behave in a way that might be construed as seductive. I have been trying to be very careful about this lately in general. I am trying to figure out where these feelings are originating. Is it me, him? Both? Why the guilt?
Could it possibly be that I feel guilty for NOT being seductive? Is he letting me know, somehow, that I'm letting *him* down?
To be fair, my T's behavior has not been overtly seductive either, apart from glances that last a shade too long. These just-a-little-too-long glances represent a change from about a month ago, when we had a series of sessions that included long periods of staring into each other's eyes. These latest briefer glances seem like check-ins to me. "Are you still interested?" is the question he seems to be asking. Like he's refueling, the way kids do when they are exploring away from Mom for the first time. (Maternal erotic countertransference, anyone?)
FWIW, he is 30 years my senior; we're both married with kids at home.
If I've been good, and I have, why do I feel so guilty? How do I even broach the topic with him?
Yours,
BSD
poster:backseatdriver
thread:884680
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090227/msgs/884680.html