Posted by Dinah on March 3, 2009, at 21:29:57
Even though I may feel secure in the relationship as a whole.
He was falling asleep again, so I asked if I was speaking with a soothing voice again. He said yes, and when I asked what I could do to make it less soothing, he suggested speaking louder and putting more emotional energy into it. The only problem was that to my mind, I was just chock full of emotional energy. I don't mind the technical hints, but that *hurt*.
Right before I left, I said I'd felt the last two weeks like a kid bringing mommy a painting, or asking her to look while I rode my bike. And I looked to him to find "..." and just hadn't seen it in his eyes. I couldn't quite describe what I meant and rejected "attention", and wasn't quite happy with "pride" or "happiness". I finally decided that the right word was "delight". He agreed that that sounded perfect, so I asked him if he had felt delight.
And he thought about it.
I'm sorry, but if you have to think about it, it isn't delight. He said that maybe he was feeling delight, but not so much delight that I could see it. My lips started quivering, and tears threatened and he totally ignored it as he wrote out the receipt. But afterward he asked if a hug would help.
I told him that I couldn't draw a nicer picture than this. :(
I want to cancel Friday.
poster:Dinah
thread:883600
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090227/msgs/883600.html