Posted by Dinah on March 4, 2009, at 8:04:13
In reply to Re: But I still leave feeling hurt sometimes » Dinah, posted by workinprogress on March 4, 2009, at 1:42:29
> You made yourself vulnerable by telling him that you wanted him to be delighted, and he fell short. That doesn't feel good... period.
I think he really tried at that point. He often thinks before he responds, which usually makes his answer seem more true. But since this is a reaction, not a thought, if it wasn't there, it wasn't there. Once I started trying not to cry, I know he was trying to decide what to say when he was ignoring me, because he asked about the hug. He doesn't usually do that. I think he tried...
> Your post reminded me of two things... my adopted niece and how PROUD she is (she's 14 months) to bring me a sock and drop it in my hand. And I do feel delighted because she's so proud. I'm delighted for her.
That's absolutely it!
> The other is something my T and I have talked a lot about lately (and by the way, I feel like I'm bringing my T socks and other silly little things lately, so I so get it) is just wanting to be noticed. That's what I need from my T in those situations for the most part. It's what I do for the little one when she brings a sock. Not sure if that resonates, but it sounds like you were asking to be noticed... and in a particular way... and he missed.
He has responded in that particular way before. So maybe that makes it more obvious when it's lacking. He didn't really seem himself yesterday, though. I blurted out "What's wrong?!!" as soon as I walked through the door.
> I'm so sorry. I so get how you're hurting. And, probably, because of your relationship and expectations of the relationship, it likely hurts even more than it would have so many years ago. So... I'll notice all of that for you if that's helpful at all.
>
> (((((((((Dinah))))))))))))))
Thank you. :)
poster:Dinah
thread:883600
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090227/msgs/883673.html