Posted by Dinah on March 4, 2009, at 8:36:01
In reply to Re: But I still leave feeling hurt sometimes, posted by yellowbird01 on March 4, 2009, at 7:31:21
> Dinah, I dont blame you for feeling hurt. I would too. I struggled with feeling like my last T wasnt always hearing what I was saying and talked to my current T about that issue. My issue was different, but had a similar flavor. My current Ts response to my issue was this.... It's not your job to keep him interested (awake), period. It's not your job to be interesting and exciting (whether your tone of voice or the topic) in order to keep him entertained. My T says that if she feels bored in session, it means that she is doing something wrong as it is her job to make sure sessions are used in a productive (and therefore interesting to her, I guess) way. I think that your T is wonderful and I know you all do a lot of great work together, but I do think he's wrong in this instance. I dont know much about your childhood but for me, it would bring up all the feelings of "if you just do xyz, try harder, we'll love you". Ouch. I think you should bring this point up to him. He's a smart enough guy that I think he knows this... he may just be framing it differently in his mind and not realizing how it's really coming across. I know he's gotten very comfortable with you over the years so it may be that he's just letting that slip a little and needs a reminder.
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> I also know that you are special to your T and you all have a special relationship. My relationship with my T is the same way. I know I'm special to her, and she to me. Personally, I think that "specialness" can be wonderful and positive most of the time. I also think though that it makes me want to fight harder to ensure I retain that "special" status - to make sure my T really likes me, is interested, etc. For me, I think it might make the situation you're in sting a little more. Remember T, I'm supposed to be special! At the same time, you do know he cares about you so hopefully that is a buffer against some of the sting. I'm not sure that paragraph really makes a point, but it's thinking out loud....
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> Good luck with this. I think you're very justified in being upset about it.Well, he's always been that way. And I'm not sure he was always comfortable with me. Aside from the natural hazards of a therapist, he tends to take off more than he can chew and overstretch himself. So he is constantly tired.
I'm glad you have that same relationship with your therapist. It is so freeing in some ways. For example, I'd have never disclosed what I did yesterday, even a year ago. I think I went from politely ignoring it to being angry about it to being accepting about it to where I am now. Which is not quite accepting, but trying to find causes and look for what I might be doing that increases his tendency.
Although... We've had three sessions since he was gone for a week. The first I was completely detached and spent the session telling him so. The second session I was chattering at him about everything that had happened since he first went away. I started this session saying that I really felt that I was talking at him, not conversing with him. His response indicated that he agreed. Maybe he thinks I do this a lot. I don't think I do. I'll have to ask him. Maybe what he said about emotional energy related to this. Maybe he was continuing on this theme, without expressly saying so. If he'd have started with "At the beginning of the session..." and included somewhere some tentativeness in his conclusion, I might have been able to put it in a different context.
This time the disconnect was totally on his side. I can't really take credit for any of it. I wonder if he struggles like I do with reconnecting after an absence. That's an unsettling notion.
poster:Dinah
thread:883600
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090227/msgs/883681.html