Posted by DAisym on December 4, 2008, at 12:38:45
In reply to Re: One little sentence - long » DAisym, posted by lucie lu on December 4, 2008, at 0:55:35
I'll have to ask him how it feels for him to enter into certain fantasies with me. Sometimes he will ask me if he can sit up on the ceiling with me - it was my place to escape to during the abuse. And we've practiced alternative responses - going back and saying something different. Those are hard sessions and powerful fantasies. I can still barely whisper, "get off" or say the word rape to name what happened.
So perhaps you are right - he was off balance in his role. Therapists have to figure out so much in so little time - things can shift quickly from wanting to be rescued from my family into feeling rejected by him. And he is still responding to part A and I'm over here at part B. I am often surprised at how powerful the feelings can be around something that isn't/wasn't even real. I think perhaps it is because hope grows even among the weeds for kids and when it gets crushed over and over again, you guard the fragile pieces of hope, hiding it even from yourself. So it is way too vulnerable to have it pop out suddenly, expressed as a wish. Hope gets crushed again. Reality is a tough task master.
And I need to get clear about my hurt. Was it the scary reality of knowing how I felt and feel about my family and I displaced it onto my therapist? Or was it the pain of comparison, what could have been versus what was? I don't really know yet.
Since I'm away, we have a longish break. I think the space will do us good.
poster:DAisym
thread:866338
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081120/msgs/866668.html