Posted by twinleaf on October 29, 2008, at 12:42:31
In reply to Rupture in therapy (long), posted by Wittgensteinz on October 28, 2008, at 20:09:25
Witti, this is very, very sad and distressing to hear. You have had one of the most trusting, secure relationships with a therapist of anyone here, and it was the relationship itself which seemed to be having such a positive effect.
As you describe the recent interactions between the two of you, it really stands out how defensive he has become; You haven't done anything except try to work with him as usual. He seems to have put you in some "no win" situations. You feel bound to speak about whatever you are thinking, as one does in analytic therapy, and yet he punishes you with coldness for asking about his war experiences. In another instance, the leaving when you were still crying. he seems to have acted cold and unempathic. You did not ask to stay longer, although you would probably have really appreciated a few words of understanding and kindness on the way out. The only tiny delay in your leaving might have been when he closed the door to give you some privacy when his wife was entering. In view of that, it is strange that he says that you have to get used to the fact that the sessions are 45 minutes long. You have been adapted to that right along! But you are not adapted to him behaving sharp and cold, and should not ever be.
He seems to be having real problems with counter-transference, and perhaps also with other aspects of his life, either his own private life, or with some other patients. What is very striking to me is that you are conducting yourself appropriately, but HE IS NOT. To the extent that's true, you and he have had a role-reversal. It's absolutely essential for you to regain the warmth and trust you had for so long. So far, it seems like you are more willing to deal with this than he is. I'd say, for now, just keep on trying to repair things. While you are working on this, it seems as if you do have a pdoc now who can act as a source of support. He might also be a source for good referrals if your best efforts fail. I think you have perfect insight into what is happening. This is something that is far too important to compromise on. You need a therapist who can manage his own feelings and maintain an attitude of caring, warmth and sensitivity to you, no matter what you feel or say. After all, if you are doing your part of the work properly, you don't really get to choose what comes into your mind!
poster:twinleaf
thread:859655
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081018/msgs/859730.html