Posted by lucie lu on October 12, 2008, at 10:05:18
In reply to Now I am really upset, posted by lemonaide on October 11, 2008, at 10:15:46
Lemonaide,
This has obviously been a painful thread for you and for others who have replied. The terrible experiences you have had with your T have felt so devastating to you that discussion of it may be too emotionally charged to be useful to you right now. Maybe it will be necessary to "take ten" - let your head cool, get the blood pressure down. But at some point, I hope you will be able to return t the discussion. I think you are an emotional, passionate person who feels things very deeply. But I also know you, Lemonaide, as an intelligent woman; the thinking and analytic person who is attracted to psychotherapy and law. To do well in both disciplines requires the ability to look at things from many angles and at times be dispassionate. Thesis, antithesis, and synthesis: the analytic process is one through which novel and productive ideas are generated. New and creative ways out of impasses. And Lemonaide, I know about that you have the intelligence and flexibility of thinking to be able to balance the grey tones of an issue. It is just that right now, I think your strong emotional response is understandably getting in the way. If you can take a deep breath, say "ommmmm," and return to the discussion at some point, I think you will find it to be very instructive and productive. After all, the clients you will treat in your future will not benefit much from a strong passionate response from you as your ability to understand theirs yet remain calm and balanced in your thinking. Shouldn't the same be true of you as your own client? You are a very intelligent woman, Lemonaide (didn't you win an award in school recently?) and I believe that if you can step back and let the emotional response settle, that you can use all this to your benefit, cleverly and productively.
It may be helpful to view metaphorically a Babble thread as a deep and open conversation with a deeply loving best friend who knows you well and cares immensely about your welfare. No single poster can address any important issue in the depth that's needed to be most helpful for you in the long run, especially if the issue is an emotionally painful one (aren't most major issues quite painful or they wouldn't be issues?) But seen as a composite, a Babble thread about you is apt to represent what a TRUE and LOVING best friend would tell you. The composite is made up of all the people who care enough about you to write - there are always easier threads to add to, but they try to add something to yours. The composite best friend (CBF) offers not only love and support, but also thoughtful introspection and an invitation to consider multiple angles as a measure of respect for you and as a loving invitation to further personal growth. Only a BF or CBF who cares deeply about you will want you to have all these things. I respect and admire you for many things, as I've said in previous posts, and I see that in their posts, other Babblers are doing for you what a true best friend would do. Sure we all want love and support from our friends, but a true friend will also offer you that extra something, even at her own risk, with nothing but your growth and welfare in her mind. I think that your CBF here knows well that to offer nothing but support would do you a grave disservice. Before leaving that metaphor, imagine yourself having a latte at Starbucks with such a true friend, who has known you for years and understands and accepts the deeper parts of you. You might get upset by what she says and leave in a huff, maybe even vowing never to speak to her again. Maybe while you are in that state of mind, you will be content with the soothing things your other friends say, even if they all say the same thing. This may help because the unanimity of their replies makes you feel a validation that you may lack internally. But eventually, you are going to miss that true friend who cared enough about you to help you think out all the angles when you are so upset, by risking herself and putting her own self on the line. I think that is a true friend, one we would all be lucky to have (there are few around). Your true friend knows that it is not enough to internalize validation from others, we have to eventually work our own ways through our feelings and experiences to be able to validate ourselves. This deeper level of healing can only truly be done within oneself, and requires both heart and head.
Lemonaide, the composite best friend (CBF) here knows you and your history and cares very much for you. A great deal of sympathy and support have been expressed over the past few months, by virtually everyone. But healing from the experience has been understandably difficult and you run the risk of getting stuck long-term in a very painful place. Your CBF is extremely worried about that, and realizes that time alone doesn't always heal all wounds. So while empathy and support will continue to be offered, the CBF, who is a true to you, will bravely help you brainstorm and reframe the experience in a way that will ultimately bring you internal resolution. To try with you different ways to unravel the knot together. Here on Babble, I think your friends, the people who care enough about you to try to serve this function for you, realize that while may 5 or 10 unconditionally supportive posts are absolutely necessary, 100 of the same responses are not going to really be all that helpful for you. They may give you external validation but that really won't heal on its own until you can work it through yourself, as only you as a unique individual can. Therefore, at least some of your friends (metaphorically representing different aspects of your CBF) have taken on the necessary roles to offer other thoughts in an effort to considerably deepen a response to you in your need for healing. That is what Babblers have been trying to do for you, and I think that you will be able to see that when those powerful emotions subside. We are all both feeling and thinking beings, and we do our best living when they operate together as equals.
I hope this helps, Lemonaide, because there is a great deal of love, respect, and caring here on Babble for you. I view it is a tremendous gift to have such a true friend (as your CBT) and also to be able to inspire such a strong sense of friendship and caring in other people.
With love,
Lucie
poster:lucie lu
thread:856899
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081005/msgs/857045.html