Posted by Nadezda on October 11, 2008, at 16:52:12
In reply to Re: I don't think it is as you see it, posted by DAisym on October 11, 2008, at 13:27:02
I feel a bit as if DaisyM's feelings are really getting overlooked in all this.
I think she made it clear that she wasn't trying to hurt lemonaide in her post, but that she felt something important needed to be said. I'd like to emphasize that I don't really know what happened with lemonaide's first T. And I feel somewhat uncomfortable drawing so many negative conclusions about someone who isn't here to give his side of things at all. I'm not saying that he had any right to do whatever he did. I'm only saying, and I think DaisyM was trying to say, that when things fall apart, villainizing one party sometimes isn't the most helpful thing. We need to remember that even if he failed her and was harmful, he is a human being who fell into that because of his own issues and limitations, about which he may need some help, but maybe also beyond that, as a human being, should be given some space. I don't expect lemonaide to do that-- perhaps in the future, she can look back with a different sense. but in the midst of the struggle, that's not something one should need to do. Yet I do feel it also isn't useful for us to stand so much in judgment on someone and something we have so little knowledge of-- as opposed to supporting lemonaide in what she needs to do.
That's not taking his side against lemonaide, or saying that lemonaide isn't telling us what she experienced. It's just saying that it's important to remember that no matter what wrongs he did, he has his own story. And we don't know what that is, or exactly how the therapy took such an unhelpful turn, or even what it all meant.
And I want to say that I value DaisyM's contributions, and I would like to have her be part of this board. I would really regret losing her participation, or making her feel that she did something wrong, in trying to make her view known. I'm sure she was trying to point out something that could be helpful, not tearing lemonaide down. And I myself thought her comments pointed to something important.
I'm sorry if I'm not stating this well. It's hard to put this in the right way. And I apologize if this comes across in the wrong way. What lemonaide needs is closure and some healing for this experience, which I'm not sure this will bring about. And I do think that looking to the future and to a better therapy where this can be resolved is what I would wish for her. I'm especially concerned that DaisyM is not being acknowledged too.
Nadezda
poster:Nadezda
thread:856899
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081005/msgs/856958.html